For my priests, these wonderful men of faith, who help me draw closer to God in so many ways. Thank you and I love you!
1 Thessalonians 1:2-4
We give thanks to God always for you all, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. For we know, brethren beloved by God, that he has chosen you;
Continuing in my avoidance of doing work, I am browsing through some other blogs. One I happen to like a lot is Jen’s “Et tu?” (She has my name, it’s French, she was an atheist who joined the Church on Easter 2007 — same as me, she says a lot of the things that I think, but never have the time to write down or the eloquence to state them as well.)
She wrote this entry on listening to God, instead of falling into despair. He may be answering your prayers when you aren’t paying attention. I have found what Jen has found — that often I’ll have a day, and I’ll open up my Bible or a prayer book, and right there will be something that speaks to my situation. God’s pretty amazing like that. Sometimes, I can see it, but not see it. And sometimes, I need to be whapped on the head. I can be very contrary when it comes to things that are good for me. I can a very stupid sheep sometimes (a lot of the time?).
Here’s one of these moments: yesterday, I went to church after work for the Stations of the Cross. On top of my recent health issues, I have come down with some sort of malaise. Due to the health issues, two friends of mine (a husband and a wife) took me into the chapel after Stations to pray over me. I can’t put into words what that experience was like, being in the presence of the Lord with these two wonderful people. Toward the end, the husband leaned over to me and told me to note which Station we were sitting next to in the chapel. Then he said that he felt that God was telling him to tell me this (and I’ll probably get the quote wrong): that I didn’t have to crucify myself, that Christ had already done that for us. Then he said that he didn’t know what that meant for me, but that it was something that he felt he had to tell me.
After they left, I pondered this for a while. What I finally came up with was a different phrase, but one that I think relates, “Don’t try to grasp at what is being freely given to you.” Kinda goes back to one of my core issues. “Maybe if I am good enough, God will love me.” “Maybe if I do enough things, succeed, my parents will be proud of me.” “Maybe if I am happy and nice, people will love me.” Some action is required on my part to be worthy of love or to have any value at all.
So, “Don’t try to grasp at what is being freely given to you.”
Don’t try to do-do-do to get God/people to love you, He/they love you already.
What a hard thing to me to try and wrap my head around.
You mean…I have inherent worth and value? Other people, certainly, but not *me*, right?
Similar things have been said along this vein to me this weekend, like:
“You should get anointed.”
Jenn: “Isn’t that for really sick people?”
“You need healing. Get the Anointing!”
Jenn: “I don’t know…. I don’t want to make a big thing of this. Isn’t the Anointing on a Friday morning?”
“Any priest can do it at any time. Call Becky. Make an appointment. You will call, won’t you?”
Jenn the stupid sheep: “Mmmm….”
“It’s a sacrament. Sacraments give grace, right?”
Jenn: “Yes…”
“I’m serious — get the Anointing!”
See how Jenn the Stupid Sheep shies away from things that are good for her…. She is amazed she wasn’t hit with a ClueBat. (ClueBat – definition per urbandictionary.com: A metaphorical bat used to ‘beat some sense into’ someone who is blatantly stupid.) Surely, she’s not sick enough for *that*, is she?
And again:
“Do you have a fever?”
Jenn: “I don’t know. I don’t feel as hot as I did yesterday, but I didn’t take my temperature.”
“Do you have a thermometer?”
Jenn: “Yes.”
“Well, you should check. And if you have a fever, you should take a Tylenol.”
Jenn: “Nnnnn. I don’t like taking things. My mom never took anything or gave us anything unless we were nearly dead.”
“You are not your mother. You should get the fever down.”
Jenn: “Nnnnn.” *Jenn feel another ClueBat-ing being scheduled for her….*
Aside: I *did* check my temperature, although I was fairly sure I didn’t have a fever. Normal body temp is 98.6 degrees F. I am currently 97.7 degrees F.
Back to that listening thing….
Okay, it was a short spree. 🙂
I woke up this morning feeling moderately yukki. Definitely worse than yesterday. Which is a good thing. My immune system is working on whatever bug this may be. (Dr. Knol confirmed that it was NOT strep. Perhaps it is something like the African Sleeping Sickness — always a favorite, or Lassa Fever:
There is a range of laboratory investigations that are performed to diagnose the disease and assess its course and complications. ELISA test for antigen and IgM antibodies gives 88% sensitivity and 90% specificity for the presence of the infection. Other laboratory findings in Lassa fever include lymphopenia (low white blood cell count), thrombocytopenia (low platelets), and elevated aspartate aminotransferase (AST) levels in the blood.
Hmm…. I *HAVE* had bleeding issues and flunked my liver tests….)
Anyway….. Getting away from my fascination with virology….
I went to Mass, trying not to share my little virii with everyone (wouldn’t want the Sign of Peace to become the Sign of the Plague); grabbed a Starbucks (completely therapeutic, really); drove to Ann Arbor; taught photography; ran out of and bought more windshield wiper fluid (Ah, here’s where the big spending begins. My brother will be ecstatic to know that my windshield wiper fluid has a drawing of a superhero on it.); went to Our Lady of Grace Bookstore at DF, where I plagued the poor boy at the counter by browsing endlessly, but ended up walking out with 3 items (“Are you [FINALLY] ready to check out?”); drove back to Troy; got a haircut (more on that after this paragraph); came home; made Charred Cheese Sandwich and tomato soup (isn’t that supposed to be Grilled Cheese Sandwich? Yeah, yeah, rub it in, mine had char…); read half of one of the books I had purchased; got a phone call; texted two friends; got bored playing on the internet for a few minutes; danced in the living room until I couldn’t breathe any more and felt that my head was on fire; drank my 6 oz of Gatorade, and stuck the rest in the fridge — wouldn’t want to be hydrated, now would we?; decided to work on some work; decided to check out Amazon.com first; bought stuff on Amazon; thought that I should probably get to that work before it got too late and I didn’t do it; and decided I should post on my blog.
And now you see where I am, neither getting work done, nor resting to get better. Rather, bouncing about the house like a Ping-Pong ball, until I collapse at some point this evening. Ah, well. If it makes you feel any better, I’m also reading about 9 books at the same time. Perhaps I have a little ADHD.
So… $2-3 on wiper fluid, $5 on crack (Starbucks), $20 at OLG, $50 on Amazon, $43 for a haircut — for a grand total of approximately $121. Amazingly, that did not appear to have any effect on my sickness whatsoever. As a small justification, all of my purchases from OLG and Amazon had to do with Theology…. That’s a good use of money, right? (This is where you all agree with me….) And the haircut…. Let’s talk about that expensive haircut….
Okay, I really don’t care about my hair. I have hacked it off, blindly, just before midnight, dry and without looking to make sure that it’s even — about 6 inches that time — gone! It’s been the color of Tang, cinnamon, and back to it’s normal brown/black. If I go somewhere to get it cut, instead of doing it myself, I usually head for the cheapest place I can find. Well, not today. I suppose that even I have to act like a girl every once in a while, particularly when I feel like I could star in a horror flick — as the monster. So, I told the girl that as long as she cut my bangs so that I could see again, I didn’t particularly care what she did with the rest of it.
We talked as she worked, and turns out she was baptized, but hasn’t finished her sacraments, so we talked about RCIA and she may join us in the fall! How cool is that! She walked me out as I left and gave me a big hug and wished me a good rest of the day! 🙂 So, it was an expensive haircut (for me), but totally worth it. I’m glad I decided to go there today.
Today has been quite a day. I had testing at University of Michigan Hospital. As part of my testing, I had to be NPO for 12 hours, then have a blood draw. Okay. Well, I can’t start my NPO period after Mass, because then I would have to have my blood draw after 7 pm, and they are closed. So…. I had to *not* receive the Eucharist at Mass, so that I would be properly NPO from dinner until my blood draw the next morning.
I don’t know about you guys, but going up and *not* receiving the Eucharist was one of the scariest things to me. I did go up for a blessing. Walking back, my heart began pounding, and I just wanted to run back into line. Am I silly? Or do you guys do this too?
Happily, since I felt that that was the scariest thing I could face — I was not worried about the rest of the day. There was sickness, pain, and that all-too-often-present feeling that you are going to pass out, but it was a good day (from an end-of-the-day perspective).
How cool is *this*?!?:
Tonight, when I got home, as I was eating my Kashi (yeah, I know — dinner of champs, right?), I was grabbing at the closest printed material to me, since I can’t eat a meal without reading something unless I have company (Thanks, Mom!). I found this prayer, and it was just perfect!
Act of Spiritual Communion
My Jesus, I believe that You are present in the Most Holy Sacrament. I love You above all things, and I desire to receive You into my soul. Since I cannot at this moment receive You sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart. I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You. Never permit me to be separated from You. Amen.
What’s pink? My colored pencil color for the last section of readings in Bible study. According to Jeff Cavins, this period (The Church) is supposed to be white, to represent the spotless bride of Christ.
Have you ever tried to highlight with white colored pencil? Doesn’t work too well. So I had to pick another color. I picked pink. Why pink? No, not because I am a girly-girl, because, if you know me, you know that that is far from the truth. First, I was looking for a color visually different from the other colors I have used thus far in my Bible. Second, pink (rose, for those of you who cringe just at the word….) is the color of the robes that are allowed to be worn on Gaudete Sunday in Advent and Laetare Sunday in Lent. “Gaudete” meaning, roughly, “rejoicing.” And to designate the period of “The Church,” being Acts and everything following it, what better color to represent it? Shouldn’t we be rejoicing all the time after the Resurrection? (And, yes, there’s that period between the Resurrection and Pentecost, but according to the Bible study program, that is categorized under “Messianic Fulfillment,” and the apostles were still scared and hiding, until they were filled with the Holy Spirit — so I think they were really rejoicing after Pentecost….) 🙂
Here it is! I did it! Bwahahahahaha! 🙂
1. Today at Mass, as usual, during the consecration of the gifts, I was watching them. (As if I’m going to *see* them change into the Body and Blood — I know, I’m silly, but I still think it’s fascinating.) As I’m watching, I was thinking back to (here’s where I’m not sure exactly where I read it) when they say that if you look at the face of God directly, you will die, and how everyone was afraid of that.
Why were they afraid? And why would God have them die?
My unofficial hypothesis that I thought of:
a. ‘Seeing the face of God’ may = ‘knowing God’ — as in truly knowing, not knowing about.
b. ‘Dying’ = ‘going home to God’
Thus,
c. If you ‘see God,’ all of Him, and truly know Him, then what attachment would you have to this world?
None.
So, then, it makes sense that you might detach from everything here, and just go right home to Him in heaven. Isn’t that the point of everything? To go home? Then, ‘dying’ after ‘seeing the face of God’ isn’t some bad thing, but actually something that we might want, or should want.
Just in case anyone wanted to know what I think about during Mass…. 🙂
2. This one got me odd looks from my coworker. I just came into the church last year, baptized and everything, and have really fallen in love. So, at work, they are coming to think that I am some type of freakish uber-Catholic. And I’m okay with that. I don’t mind being full of zeal for the right things. Even if they think that I’m odd. I do tend to get carried away with things — I know this.
So, what got me the odd looks was my next Big Idea. (Everybody say, “Uh, oh. What now?) I have this clothesline in my backyard that my dad built a while back. Well, one of the poles fell down and it’s been years since it was actually used as a clothesline. So the only thing remaining in my backyard is a … you got it … large wooden cross.
What are you going to do, Jenn? Again at Mass, earlier in the week, I got this idea: I am going to ‘dress’ my cross for Lent. I am going to go to the fabric store and get a length of purple fabric and drape it like the crucifix is draped in the chapel.
So, am I completely nuts, or is this a good idea?
Today, on the way in to work, one of my coworkers was noting a particularly icy patch. She said that at least 8 people were off in the ditch. One guy was out of his car, trying to push himself out. As she watched, someone slid off the road and ran directly into the man. She tried to stop to help him, but her car was starting to slide. She did note that 3 other cars were able to stop to offer assistance. Please pray for this man. And for all the travelers out there in this weather.
Update: There is a news article about the weather which mentions this accident.
This story is particularly striking for me. Soon after I left enlisted service to go to U of M, I got a call over spring break from one of my best friends. She was stationed on the Ike, an aircraft carrier. Also on the carrier was a mutual friend of ours, René, with whom we went to Nuke school with in Florida. René had just returned from a 6 month deployment and was on his way to the airport to fly back to Texas to spend his leave visiting with his family. He usually asks [my friend who called] for a ride, but on this day, he caught a ride with someone else. On the way, they got a flat tire and pulled off into the breakdown lane. René, being the sweet person he is, went around back to change the tire. I think it was raining, although now, I am not certain if that is a correct memory. A girl ran off the road and hit René, pinning him between the two cars bumpers. He was taken to the hospital, where they had to amputate both of his legs. He died of shock that evening.
I pray that you are home with God. We love you, Néné.
Here are a couple of pictures from the first day of Jenn’s cooking experiment, otherwise known as her Lenten penance.
First, there was the trip to Crate and Barrel on Sunday to buy some more dishes, so that people would have a place to put their food — usually a useful thing:
Then, I had to get the food. So, after work tonight I was on my way to the Parish Mission. However, since the weather was not great, it took me about 4 hours to get from my desk at work to the exit ramp in Troy. So, I completely missed the Parish Mission, and headed directly to the store for groceries. Here is my loot that I grabbed from Kroger:
And, finally, here is the end product:
I thought it was pretty good. Even though I modified the recipe and didn’t have a proper veggie steamer — but, we made due with a pot of boiling water and a plastic colander. It turns out that doing things this way will take longer, since there is no cover to keep the steam in. Karen came over, but had to leave before dinner. I gave her a portion to take home with her and asked her to share what she thought. Hahaha! My first “test” with the “food critics!”
It was one of those moments that really make you understand the phrase, “Fear of the Lord.”
Morning Mass. I usually sit in the center, second row, in the middle of the row. Not that I sit in the same place all the time – no, no, then I would be Catholic. Oh. Wait. Hmm. Maybe that *is* me…. But this morning someone was in my “usual” spot, and I didn’t want to try to hop over her to my second or third choice seats, so I sat at the end, which is kind of a 5th choice location. (Does anyone else have tertiary-level preferences? Or am I just an odd duck? This is really odd, because I’m not this picky for Saturday or Sunday Mass, or any Mass held in the church as opposed to the day chapel. Although, when I arrive late, my preferred spot in the day chapel is usually under the piano or behind some potted plant. 🙂 )
For some weird reason, there weren’t as many people as usual today, so what happened was I was one of the closest people to the gifts. Oooh, boy. I usually try to avoid that, because I haven’t been explicitly invited to touch them by the priests and I live in fear of them smacking me for doing something wrong. So, when the time came and no one had sat down any closer than I, I went up with another girl and presented the wine to Fr. Steve. In that moment, I was scared, and I’m sure my face turned bright red, and I kept thinking, “Wow! *This* is going to be turned into His blood! And, *I* am carrying it!” (I’m such a dork, right?) I was so happy that it was Fr. Steve, since I don’t think he would want to smack me maybe as much as one of the others, if I messed up.
Happily, he said, “Thank you,” instead of banishing me from the chapel. Praise God! 🙂 I’m probably too scared to do that too often, but I’m glad I got to do it, at least once.
