Category Archives: Critical Mass

Pilgrimage to Rome: Day 2

Critical Mass, Pilgrimage, ,

Itinerary for Today:
Rome:
Church of San Lorenzo with the World Youth Day cross*
San Lorenzo Church

Trevi Fountain*
Trevi Fountain

Pantheon*
Pantheon Nocturno

Spanish Steps*
The Spanish Steps, Rome

Piazza Navona*
Piazza Navona

Predicted Italian Weather:
87 degrees and a thunderstorm in the afternoon. What?! No thunderstorms for our pilgrims! 😦

Update!
One of the pilgrims has written to us about her experiences on this day!

Pray!
Spend some quiet time walking and talking to the Lord. Take a walk and remember the footsteps of all who have come before us on the journey of faith. Pray for the safety of the travelers. See the suffering Christ in someone around you.

Hear me, O Lord, and have pity on me.

Father in heaven, Your love for us never falters in spite of our transgressions and failures. Please show Your mercy for me in my difficulty (mention your request). Through the intercession of St. Francis and for the sake of Christ, Our Savior, have pity on me. Amen.

Lord, make me an instrument of peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
For it is in giving, that we receive,
It is in pardoning, that we are pardoned.
And it is in dying, that we are born to Eternal life.

* Note: None of these pictures are mine, as I’ve never been to Italy. *sob* Nor are they pictures from the pilgrims. They are pictures taken from people who have allowed others to link to them; you can click through each picture to the photographer’s page, to see more of their work.

May God bless you, pilgrims!

Pilgrimage to Rome: Day 1

Critical Mass, Pilgrimage, ,

First…

*I* am not going on pilgrimage.

But my priests are, along with some of the teens in our parish:
Frs. John and Steve: Traveling Priests

They are going to Italy!

While they are gone, they have posted up a novena and their basic itinerary, so that we can live vicariously through their experiences and pray with them along the way. 🙂

Itinerary for Today:
Flight over the Atlantic

Predicted Italian Weather:
90 degrees and partly sunny!

Pray!
Pray the St. Francis Prayer for Peace and show your humility by doing a good deed for someone today.

O God, come to my assistance.

Heavenly Father, You know all things and nothing is hidden from You. In Your mercy and kindness, and through the intercession of Saint Francis, come to my aid in my present distress and grant my humble petition (mention your request; e.g. the fruitfullness of this pilgrimage and the safety of the pilgrims during their travels). Amen.

Lord, make me an instrument of peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
For it is in giving, that we receive,
It is in pardoning, that we are pardoned.
And it is in dying, that we are born to Eternal life.

As today is a traveling day, they are likely not going to be seeing much but airports and airplanes. 🙂 Perhaps in the subsequent posts, I’ll try to add some pictures of what they *might* be seeing. And, hopefully, they’ll share their pictures when they get back! 🙂

May God bless you, pilgrims! And may He grant you an easy journey today!

Wait. What?

Critical Mass, Sacraments

Sorry for the long hiatus. I have been pretty sick lately. I’m feeling even worse now, if you can imagine, but this has been bugging me all day, so I thought I’d toss it out there to all of you.

I dragged myself to the 8 am Mass, where I attempted to actually participate, but more just tried to hang on to consciousness. I kept looking at those wooden pews and knew that they would hurt on the way down.

Anyway.

During the Prayers of the Faithful, the lector — reading about the dead — said the phrase, “finally freed from their bodies…”

Wait.

What?

That sounds rather … gnostic … to me. Doesn’t it?

Feast of the Apostles Peter and Paul

Critical Mass, Of Trials Opportunities and Gifts, Saints and People of Note, Vatican II
SS Peter Paul El Greco

Today is the feast day celebrating Saint Peter and Saint Paul. Did you know that you could obtain an indulgence today?

That’s right!

According to Indulgentiarum Doctrina, “The faithful who use with devotion an object of piety (crucifix, cross, rosary, scapular or medal) after it has been duly blessed by any priest, can gain a partial indulgence. But if this object of piety is blessed by the Pope or any bishop, the faithful who use it with devotion can also gain a *plenary* indulgence on the feast of the Apostles Peter and Paul, provided they also make a profession of faith using any approved formula.”

God bless!

I’m Dying… What Does That Mean??

Critical Mass, Of Trials Opportunities and Gifts, Tales of My Amazing Priests, , ,

Every so often, there is a story that touches people so deeply, they share it with those around them. Which usually means that it’s in everyone’s Facebook feed or e-mail inbox and favorited on Pinterest and YouTube. This one is no exception. Today, it was the story of Zach Sobiech, a young man who died of osteosarcoma this weekend. But he lived amazingly, and that is what he will be remembered for. I watched the 22 minute long video of his story. And the music video to his song, “Clouds“. And the video that his friends and family made in response to his music video. They were beautiful.

I downloaded the song and played it over and over as I drove to church after work. It really made me cry.

It made me cry, because it made me think. I have a terminal illness. I have no idea how much longer I have to live. It’s not the dying that is upsetting, it’s the living. Am I living the way I ought? This young man clearly has touched thousands of people. What about me? Has my life “meant anything” to anyone?

What if it has not? What if I never really impacted anyone? What is it of me that will remain in people’s hearts after I am gone?

So, I cried.

I cried and I went into the church and I curled up on a bench in the Adoration space behind the tabernacle. I texted one of my best friends, “Do I make any difference?” I was grateful for the organ music being practiced in the church — this masked my sniffling and the way my breath catches as I try to hold the sobs in.

He texted me back, “Sounds like the evil one has your ear. The answer to your question is found by looking at a cross.”

OLGC Crucifix

Oh, the irony. I was sitting under a cross. Well, the church’s crucifix, to be precise, but that’s what he meant anyway.

I sat there, trying to understand. Trying to find the answer. What is it that he says about the cross? That you can know that you are loved because Jesus did *that* for *you*. That you are loved far more than you can ever imagine. That even if you were the only human on earth, He would still have become man and died for you. I have worth because I am made in the image and likeness of God.

This was helpful, but it wasn’t the main thrust of my upset. I know that God loves me, and that I have intrinsic dignity.

My crying let up, and I gave this all more thought. Why am I so upset? What is the problem?

I don’t think my life is making a difference or impacting anyone else.

Okay.

Which lead to another question:

Does this matter?

I thought back to my original question: Do I make any difference?

Difference to who? To God? Well, I guess in some ways, the answer to that is yes and no. I mean, God doesn’t *need* anyone. But for some reason, He wants me. He willed me into existence, sustains me here and invites me into relationship with Him. To other people? I guess this is the real question.

Do I make any difference? It’s more of a material question than an existential one. I want my life to somehow positively benefit others. Does it? How can I do this more?

Is this the right thing to want?

I think most people want greatness for their lives. They want to live heroically and with integrity. To be someone others can look up to. To be a saint. I don’t think most people look at their life and decide, “Hey, I want to be mediocre and average.” And it can be good — motivating — to have lofty goals and to set your standards high.

But…

Does this mean that if you do *not* make some material contribution to the good of others that you’ve “failed” at life? Let’s look at some extreme examples. What about people who were born without proper mental faculties for whatever reason, or children who have died very young or before birth. Were their lives less “important” than, say Mother Teresa’s? Of course not. While it’s true that Mother Teresa did amazing things and touched millions of lives, this doesn’t mean that others’ lives are of lesser value.

God doesn’t grade us according to our utility. We just tend to grade ourselves this way.

Another question: How much of my angst is due to my own pridefulness in wanting to Do Great Things and be recognized?

A good question.

After all, if my life in any way positively benefits someone else, it’s actually God’s doing, really, and not mine.

And why am I being all judging about how my life is impacting others’? Isn’t this somewhat of a mystery anyway? Isn’t this what is going to be revealed to us at the end of time when we receive our final judgment? Perhaps I have a greater impact than I know, and am being silly about being upset about it now.

As I was sitting there, praying and contemplating all these things, I heard Mass begin. What? Mass? At 7 pm on a Tuesday? I quickly checked the parish calendar and saw that there was a Men’s Fellowship Mass. Oh. Well, I’m not a man, so I don’t think that I can attend this Mass. “No girls allowed” and all that. But I didn’t want to leave. So I participated from the other side of the tabernacle.

It was kind of hard to hear, since the speakers weren’t set up for my location and there were odd echoes and things. But what I did hear felt like the Mass was just for me. The first reading was from Sirach 2:1-11, which is going to be one of my readings at my funeral services. It’s about knowing that there’s going to be a trial, and to persevere. The rest of Mass was kind of like this. I absorbed more of the spirit of it, rather than the verbatim of the readings and homily. There will be trials and temptations. Keep fighting. God is faithful. Things I really needed to hear.

This Mass was such a blessing. I felt much better. Not just emotionally, either.

I left for home after Mass. On the way out, I passed by the sacristy. Both of my priests were in there de-vesting. My friend was the one who had presided at Mass tonight. When he saw me, he said, “I just said Mass for you. Hang in there, kiddo.”

By the time I got home, everything was different. My worries were gone. Not only that, but it was like I had a reinvigoration of my prayer life and relationship with God, also. I could say that it’s my innate resiliency, or the fact that I finally realized that I was worrying over nothing. But I know what it really is.

Grace.

Thanks be to God.

Clouds
by Zach Sobiech

Well I fell down, down, down
Into this dark and lonely hole
There was no one there to care about me anymore
And I needed a way to climb and grab a hold of the edge
You were sitting there holding a rope

And we’ll go up, up, up
But I’ll fly a little higher
We’ll go up in the clouds because the view is a little nicer
Up here my dear
It won’t be long now, it won’t be long now

When I get back on land
Well I’ll never get my chance
Be ready to live and it’ll be ripped right out of my hands
Maybe someday we’ll take a little ride
We’ll go up, up, up and everything will be just fine

And we’ll go up, up, up
But I’ll fly a little higher
We’ll go up in the clouds because the view is a little nicer
Up here my dear

It won’t be long now, it won’t be long now
If only I had a little bit more time
If only I had a little bit more time with you

We could go up, up, up
And take that little ride
And sit there holding hands
And everything would be just right
And maybe someday I’ll see you again
We’ll float up in the clouds and we’ll never see the end

And we’ll go up, up, up
But I’ll fly a little higher
We’ll go up in the clouds because the view is a little nicer
Up here my dear
It won’t be long now, it won’t be long now

God’s Affection

Critical Mass, Prayer/Prayer Requests

It’s one of those things which happens right on the edge of sleep, when you are most vulnerable. For me, this is probably when I am most accessible to God. When I am least likely to discount an experience as something coming purely from my imagination.

And also why I am writing this as soon as I awake from my nap, so as not to lose it to the “greater wisdom” of the day.

After Catechism, I came home and had dinner while watching part of a movie. When it was over, I went into my prayer room and sat in my comfy chair for a bit. I was thinking a bit of the movie, about these two people who loved each other so much that each was willing to give everything for the other. And I started to think about the relationships in my life and in the lives of those of my friends.

I became acutely aware of the fact that I am single. There is no one who loves me “best”. I am not first in anyone’s life. Sure, I am loved by friends, and I have some close friends, but I am no one’s #1. They have spouses or others who hold that position in their hearts. I wonder if I have ever really been first for anyone? If I have, it has not been for long.

I begin to really weep. For me, but not only for me. Also, for all the other people in the world who are not first in anyone’s heart. Isn’t that our deepest desire? To be fiercely loved?

I think of God. He is supposed to love us all with this fierceness, right? Right?

But then again, Jesus loved John in a way in which He did not love the other disciples, yes? Aren’t we told of some primacy in His affection for John, the beloved disciple?

I think of how I am lonely here, in my singleness. I have no one here who puts me first. I think of what Heaven might be like. And I weep. For if Jesus can have greater love for one of his disciples, what are the chances of Him loving *me* like that? I mean, sure, God loves us all in the sense that He wants what is best for us, but what about this fierce love that we crave so much?

Will I not be First for You, Lord?

And as I weep, I ask Him to explain it to me. To tell me what love is. To let me know how His love for me works. Not the mechanics of it, but how He can love each of us, so that no one is left in Heaven, standing on the sidelines, looking at how He loves others just a little more….

How did the other disciples feel, seeing Him love John as He did? What about Bartholomew? What do their relationships look like now, when they are all with Him in Heaven?

And so, while crying myself to sleep, I continue to ask Him to explain this all to me.

I wake up, a few hours later. I am no longer sad, but my question resonates in my mind:

Will I not be First for You, Lord?

Then, He flips the question back on me:

Will I not be First for you?

And I understand this as His cry to each one of us. He wants to be First in each of our affections. But for the vast majority of us, this is not the case. At least, not for long.

And I see an image of each of us weeping, He and I, our heads down and an arm outstretched towards the other, desperately seeking the heart of the other. But, as yet, separate.

And as I sit here, recounting this experience — one which I know will be all too easy to discount in the light of day, but one which I also know is one which is *not* to be discounted — I think about the nature of that love which we so desire. What kind of love is it that we want? What is it that I am looking for in my life?

I want that one person who will put me first above all others. Well, that’s not completely accurate, is it? Is it? It’s not really that I want to be loved *more* or that I want anyone else to be loved *less*…

I just want to be loved completely. To be grabbed and held on to. For someone to love me so much, that they would give everything, just for me. That they would die, just for me.

Well now. That kind of sounds familiar.

Beautiful Day

Critical Mass, Easter, Health and Medicine
DSCN1985

What a day to celebrate the Resurrection of the Lord! 🙂

I woke up today feeling better than I have in *months* (if not longer)! Thank You, Jesus! I have no idea how long this will last, but I’m not particularly dwelling upon that question, but enjoying this while I can. 🙂 I got out of the door this morning on time and got a mocha from Starbucks. Then, I got to enjoy a beautiful sunrise while getting on the expressway. It was a pale rainbow with mountainous purple-pink clouds. Days like this make me wish I could just stop for a moment and take a picture.

I don’t want to waste this day of feeling well. I want to do everything! But I know that it is precisely this time which I need to give back to the Lord, so that I can use this time of feeling well to do what it is that He would like me to do. What He would have be do is infinitely more important than anything I could fill my day with. So, I prayed this morning on the way in to work and offered my health and my day back to Him. I prayed that I would be able to hear what it is that He would have me do.

I am looking forward to doing the Lord’s work today! 🙂 Thanks be to God!

Blessings on your Easter octave!

With Eager Anticipation

Critical Mass, Holy Week, Lent, Sacraments

I woke up this morning exhausted. I was up very late working on a project, got a little sleep, and am up again — taking a day off work — to jump into the project again. It was a little odd, being home in the morning on a weekday — getting to watch the garbagemen pick up the garbage. I don’t think I’ve been home for this since I was a little girl. I should have gotten ready faster. I should have gotten up earlier. Someone was waiting on me and it’s never good to keep people waiting. But I just had to take a few moments. Enjoying the fact that others were already well into the work morning and I was just now taking my shower. Looking at the way the morning sun (or well the overcast brightening, we take what we can get) lights up the house. Savoring the quiet. Praying.

These are blessed days. Blessed moments. In just a few days, we will be celebrating our Lord’s triumphant entrance into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. I love the joy of this day. I also really love palms. 🙂 I know, I know. Palms are kind of not the point. And you are right. But I really like them, so they make me *extra* happy for this day. 🙂 I am particularly excited this year, because I finally remembered this year before Ash Wednesday and managed to remove all the palms from my house so that they might be turned into ashes. Come Sunday, I can decorate my house again with palms. They will lose their lovely green color over time, but I will still be able to look upon them with joy throughout the year.

Palm Sunday is great because it marks the beginning of Holy Week. My favorite week of the year! I usually take Holy Thursday and Good Friday off work, but this year I was too late in getting my request in. I did get Holy Thursday off, but I only got a few hours for Good Friday. So I won’t be able to celebrate with my parish in Troy as I usually do. However!!! I found out that my parish in Plymouth is celebrating Tre Ore a little later in the day, and I will be able to be with them for that!

Holy Thursday. Perhaps my favorite day. In the morning, I get to go downtown in Detroit and attend the Chrism Mass. Here, Archbishop Vigneron will bless the Oil of Catechumens, the Oil of the Sick (MINE!), and the Holy Chrism. I love the smell of the Holy Chrism! It’s quite amazing to see all the bottles and large containers of the oils process in — such a huge sign of the sacramental nature of our Church. So beautiful.

But, as much as I like the blessing of the oils and the realization of the sacraments that they represent, they are not what I love most about the Chrism Mass. What I love is all the priests. Not all, but many of the priests of the archdiocese attend the Chrism Mass and concelebrate with the archbishop. While they are there, they recommit their vows of obedience to him and to the Church. THAT, friends, is the BEST PART EVER!!! The best, best, best part! I love watching them all come in together, and all recess out. Hundreds of priests (okay, I never really counted)!

Rescued from the Pit of Despair

Critical Mass, Daily Mass Readings
Ignatius Catholic Study Bible New Testament

Memorial of St. John of God, religious

Today’s readings:
Hosea 14:2-10
Mark 12:28-34

[Read the Daily Reflection at Take Five for Faith. Unfortunately, there was an error in the bulletin this week and the reflection from yesterday was reprinted for today.]

For those of you who are like me and less inclined, perhaps, to poetry, the reading from Hosea can tend to be something which we skim over without extracting a lot of meaning. I know, for me, I need to make a conscious effort to slow down and think about the images being presented and what they mean.

In the first stanza (Is that what it’s called? I’m really bad at poetry. Really bad. I mean verses 2-3.), they are talking about a people who have hit the proverbial rock-bottom. They aren’t able to stand on their own; they have collapsed. Their “friends” won’t be there to help them. They don’t have any defenses. They are utterly incapable of saving themselves. Even the most pitiable people in their society — orphans — pity *them*.

Think about that for a minute. Have you ever been in a situation that was dark and seemingly hopeless? Where everything seems to have crumbled away? Where you were tempted to despair? Savor that emotion for just a moment.

Now, let’s read what comes next in verses 4-7. God is telling them that He is going to break into their lives — into their despair and hopelessness — and He is going to not only restore them, but transform them (and the situation) into something precious and beautiful.

To be swept from the absolute worst of situations to the best of situations… What an amazing feeling! And a reality that happens to us far more frequently than we realize.

Eternal Life Starts Now

Critical Mass, Daily Mass Readings
Ignatius Catholic Study Bible New Testament

Memorial of Perpetua and Felicity, martyrs

Today’s Readings:
Jeremiah 7:23-28
Luke 11:14-23

[Read the Daily Reflection at Take Five for Faith or on page 9 of the parish bulletin.]

Today’s reflection speaks of keeping the end in sight. Always knowing where it is that we are headed. And, hopefully, we are all striving to reach heaven. I suppose a “terminal” diagnosis should have had some profound effect on me and how I view my life.

But you know… It really didn’t.

Last week, Fr. John gave us our parish mission, during which he spoke of the 5 levels or thresholds of discipleship, as outlined in Sherry Weddell’s book, “Forming Intentional Disciples.” Forgive me for talking “off the cuff” as it were, but as I recall, the five thresholds were: Trust, Curiosity, Openness, Seeking, and Intentional Discipleship. The difference between the Seeking and the Intentional Discipleship stage was that when you are Seeking, there is still something that is holding you back from giving everything to God. Or, to put it another way, you have some safety net, security blanket, something to which you are clinging instead of completely abandoning yourself to God. So he invited us to drop our nets.

What is my net?

No. Seriously. What is my net?

Do I have a net?

I have been thinking and praying about this for the last week, and I’m not sure that I do. Perhaps my entrance into the Church came a bit oddly, but it seems to be that in one day I jumped from being the laziest agnostic/atheist in the world to somewhere between Openness and Seeking. And I “dropped the net” sometime during my extensive 2.5 month RCIA experience. 🙂

[Of course, now that I said that, I’m having visions of Fr. John rolling his eyes and placing me firmly in the Pre-Trust category.]

And maybe this is why my life didn’t change too drastically when I got this terminal diagnosis. Because it wasn’t my life to live anyway, at that point. Why would I get incredibly mad or deeply depressed when I don’t think that I am entitled to any specific length of time here on earth? How would I be “missing out” on anything by dying “early” if I hope to enter into eternal life with the Creator? Why would I worry about what I’m going to face, if I know that He will be with me every step of the way?

So I don’t.

I’m not mad, sad, or worried. Or well, I’m not worried about *me*. I am concerned for those whom I love. Even though *I* know that God will be with them, I don’t know that *they* (or all of them, at any rate) know this. So when something happens to me, what will help them to trust in God and not fall into anger and despair? This is probably why discipleship is so important. It’s not for us, although to be sure we definitely benefit, but it’s for others. So they can see our witness and be lead towards the Lord.

This is not to say that every day is bliss. FAR from it! Actually, lately every day is a great struggle. Sometimes, it’s all I can do to make it from minute to minute. Other times, I feel okay and can do more things. Through it all, I have a deep sense of joy. Which is not giddiness. Believe me. Especially when I am curled up in agony. Luckily, or unluckily depending on your perspective, most of the time my suffering is not apparent to others. And usually I can still get things done. For which I am so thankful. Because I know that I will be useful until the moment that I die. And I so desire to do as much as I can.

God gave me gifts and talents, and I’m not one to want to bury them, but fling them out there into the world. With glee! And more enthusiasm than is advised by most sane people, but that’s my Tigger-esque personality. I am not one to stand around in hallways waiting for others.

[Oh. Wait. I do wait sometimes. This is, I think, one of the only changes that I’ve made. I tend to wait for my friends, even if it is just to say “Hi” for 5 seconds. Because, next to God, people are the most important. And if I died tonight, I would be sad that I didn’t take that time to say “Hi.”]

I stand here (or bounce, as the case may be) saying, “Here I am, Lord. Use me!” Or I am not feeling well and I intercede for others saying, “Here I am, Lord. Use me!” And perhaps more than the intercessions and requests, and through it all, I pray, “Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!” because it is truly a blessed life.

Um. Yeah. We were originally doing a Scripture reflection, right? I didn’t forget. Jeremiah is actually talking about all this too. In his own way, he is calling the Israelites to drop their nets. To let go of those things which seem to be means of salvation: power, money, status, friendship with powerful allies, foreign gods… And to turn to the One who truly has the power to save them. To repent of their sins and come back into relationship with God.

St. Perpetua and St. Felicity, pray for us!