Urban Dictionary

Jennspeak

While I sometimes use urbandictionary.com to try and translate Jennspeak for my doctors, I must recognise that much of the vocabulary and related examples are extremely morally objectionable.

So, as a warning, you probably don’t want to look up “catholic” or any of the related entries, as most of them are simply awful, and completely based on negative popular opinion instead of anything based in truth (as one would expect from this type of site, defining all the slang).

That being the case, you know how easily I am amused, so I came across this one, and thought that I’d share:

Catholisthenics:  The physical regime involved in attending catholic services.

That, by the way, is the least offensive thing on there relating to the Catholic church.  Everything else is repugnant.  And this, while seemingly benign, actually is very flip about the meaning behind the different postures during the liturgy.

Hello? Jenn? Do You Hear Me? Hello?

Prayer/Prayer Requests

Continuing in my avoidance of doing work, I am browsing through some other blogs.  One I happen to like a lot is Jen’s “Et tu?” (She has my name, it’s French, she was an atheist who joined the Church on Easter 2007 — same as me, she says a lot of the things that I think, but never have the time to write down or the eloquence to state them as well.)

She wrote this entry on listening to God, instead of falling into despair.  He may be answering your prayers when you aren’t paying attention.  I have found what Jen has found — that often I’ll have a day, and I’ll open up my Bible or a prayer book, and right there will be something that speaks to my situation.  God’s pretty amazing like that.  Sometimes, I can see it, but not see it.  And sometimes, I need to be whapped on the head.  I can be very contrary when it comes to things that are good for me.  I can a very stupid sheep sometimes (a lot of the time?).

Here’s one of these moments:  yesterday, I went to church after work for the Stations of the Cross.  On top of my recent health issues, I have come down with some sort of malaise.  Due to the health issues, two friends of mine (a husband and a wife) took me into the chapel after Stations to pray over me.  I can’t put into words what that experience was like, being in the presence of the Lord with these two wonderful people.  Toward the end, the husband leaned over to me and told me to note which Station we were sitting next to in the chapel.  Then he said that he felt that God was telling him to tell me this (and I’ll probably get the quote wrong):  that I didn’t have to crucify myself, that Christ had already done that for us.  Then he said that he didn’t know what that meant for me, but that it was something that he felt he had to tell me.

After they left, I pondered this for a while.  What I finally came up with was a different phrase, but one that I think relates, “Don’t try to grasp at what is being freely given to you.”  Kinda goes back to one of my core issues.  “Maybe if I am good enough, God will love me.”  “Maybe if I do enough things, succeed, my parents will be proud of me.”  “Maybe if I am happy and nice, people will love me.”  Some action is required on my part to be worthy of love or to have any value at all.

So, “Don’t try to grasp at what is being freely given to you.”

Don’t try to do-do-do to get God/people to love you, He/they love you already.

What a hard thing to me to try and wrap my head around.

You mean…I have inherent worth and value?  Other people, certainly, but not *me*, right?

Similar things have been said along this vein to me this weekend, like:

“You should get anointed.”
Jenn:  “Isn’t that for really sick people?”
“You need healing.  Get the Anointing!”
Jenn:  “I don’t know….  I don’t want to make a big thing of this.  Isn’t the Anointing on a Friday morning?”
“Any priest can do it at any time.  Call Becky.  Make an appointment.  You will call, won’t you?”
Jenn the stupid sheep:  “Mmmm….”
“It’s a sacrament.  Sacraments give grace, right?”
Jenn:  “Yes…”
“I’m serious — get the Anointing!”

See how Jenn the Stupid Sheep shies away from things that are good for her….  She is amazed she wasn’t hit with a ClueBat. (ClueBat – definition per urbandictionary.com: A metaphorical bat used to ‘beat some sense into’ someone who is blatantly stupid.)  Surely, she’s not sick enough for *that*, is she?

And again:

“Do you have a fever?”
Jenn:  “I don’t know.  I don’t feel as hot as I did yesterday, but I didn’t take my temperature.”
“Do you have a thermometer?”
Jenn:  “Yes.”
“Well, you should check.  And if you have a fever, you should take a Tylenol.”
Jenn:  “Nnnnn.  I don’t like taking things.  My mom never took anything or gave us anything unless we were nearly dead.”
“You are not your mother.  You should get the fever down.”
Jenn:  “Nnnnn.”  *Jenn feel another ClueBat-ing being scheduled for her….*

Aside:  I *did* check my temperature, although I was fairly sure I didn’t have a fever.  Normal body temp is 98.6 degrees F.  I am currently 97.7 degrees F.

Back to that listening thing….

Shopping Spree!

Of Vice and Virtue

Okay, it was a short spree.  🙂

 I woke up this morning feeling moderately yukki.  Definitely worse than yesterday.  Which is a good thing.  My immune system is working on whatever bug this may be.  (Dr. Knol confirmed that it was NOT strep.  Perhaps it is something like the African Sleeping Sickness — always a favorite, or Lassa Fever:

There is a range of laboratory investigations that are performed to diagnose the disease and assess its course and complications. ELISA test for antigen and IgM antibodies gives 88% sensitivity and 90% specificity for the presence of the infection. Other laboratory findings in Lassa fever include lymphopenia (low white blood cell count), thrombocytopenia (low platelets), and elevated aspartate aminotransferase (AST) levels in the blood.

Hmm….  I *HAVE* had bleeding issues and flunked my liver tests….)

Anyway…..  Getting away from my fascination with virology….

I went to Mass, trying not to share my little virii with everyone (wouldn’t want the Sign of Peace to become the Sign of the Plague); grabbed a Starbucks (completely therapeutic, really); drove to Ann Arbor; taught photography; ran out of and bought more windshield wiper fluid (Ah, here’s where the big spending begins.  My brother will be ecstatic to know that my windshield wiper fluid has a drawing of a superhero on it.); went to Our Lady of Grace Bookstore at DF, where I plagued the poor boy at the counter by browsing endlessly, but ended up walking out with 3 items (“Are you [FINALLY] ready to check out?”); drove back to Troy; got a haircut (more on that after this paragraph); came home; made Charred Cheese Sandwich and tomato soup (isn’t that supposed to be Grilled Cheese Sandwich?  Yeah, yeah, rub it in, mine had char…); read half of one of the books I had purchased; got a phone call; texted two friends; got bored playing on the internet for a few minutes; danced in the living room until I couldn’t breathe any more and felt that my head was on fire; drank my 6 oz of Gatorade, and stuck the rest in the fridge — wouldn’t want to be hydrated, now would we?; decided to work on some work; decided to check out Amazon.com first; bought stuff on Amazon; thought that I should probably get to that work before it got too late and I didn’t do it; and decided I should post on my blog. 

And now you see where I am, neither getting work done, nor resting to get better.  Rather, bouncing about the house like a Ping-Pong ball, until I collapse at some point this evening.  Ah, well.  If it makes you feel any better, I’m also reading about 9 books at the same time.  Perhaps I have a little ADHD.

So…  $2-3 on wiper fluid, $5 on crack (Starbucks), $20 at OLG, $50 on Amazon, $43 for a haircut — for a grand total of approximately $121.  Amazingly, that did not appear to have any effect on my sickness whatsoever.  As a small justification, all of my purchases from OLG and Amazon had to do with Theology….  That’s a good use of money, right?  (This is where you all agree with me….)  And the haircut….  Let’s talk about that expensive haircut….

Okay, I really don’t care about my hair.  I have hacked it off, blindly, just before midnight, dry and without looking to make sure that it’s even — about 6 inches that time — gone!  It’s been the color of Tang, cinnamon, and back to it’s normal brown/black.  If I go somewhere to get it cut, instead of doing it myself, I usually head for the cheapest place I can find.  Well, not today.  I suppose that even I have to act like a girl every once in a while, particularly when I feel like I could star in a horror flick — as the monster.  So, I told the girl that as long as she cut my bangs so that I could see again, I didn’t particularly care what she did with the rest of it.

We talked as she worked, and turns out she was baptized, but hasn’t finished her sacraments, so we talked about RCIA and she may join us in the fall!  How cool is that!  She walked me out as I left and gave me a big hug and wished me a good rest of the day!  🙂  So, it was an expensive haircut (for me), but totally worth it.  I’m glad I decided to go there today.

Cherokee Rite of Passage

Neat Things I Didn't Author, ,

Note: It has been brought to my attention that this story is not actually an authentic Cherokee rite of passage. It was not posted so as to be a factual representation of Cherokee culture, but I found it to be a cute story which gives a good example of fatherhood and of God our Father. I apologize to anyone I may have inadvertantly offended. Of note, I am Cherokee myself, so please do not think that I am disparaging Native Americans by any means.
WikiAnswer published one Cherokee member’s response to this e-mail forward.

This came from a co-worker (gotta love those e-mail forwards!):

Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth’s rite of passage? His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.  He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for help to anyone.  Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.  He cannot tell the other boys of this experience because each lad must come into manhood on his own.  The boy is naturally terrified.  He can hear all kinds of noises.  Wild beasts must surely be all around him.  Maybe even some human might do him harm.  The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold.  It would be the only way he could become a man!  Finally, after a horrific night, the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold.  It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him.  He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.

We, too, are never alone.  Even when we don’t know it, our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us.  When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.

Moral of the Story:  Just because you can’t see God, doesn’t mean He is not there.

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”  — 2 Corinthians 5:7 [Not the full verse.]

I’m Sure This Violates ‘Theology of the Body’ in Some Way…

Humor of the Day

Okay, so I’m sick.  I want to drink my orange juice.  I cannot get the thing open.  Seriously.  I look around, and neither of my surgeons are available.

So….

 I walk across the hall — to the nearest, conveniently located boy — and shove my orange juice bottle at him and say, “Help!”

He grabs it and starts laughing at me as he opens it, without a problem.

His office-mate, Colleen, says, “See!  This is why we keep a guy around!”

I laugh and say, “Yeah, I knew Marines were good for something!”

(My apologies to any Marines who read my blog and are offended.   I am former Navy and Marty’s former Marine, so we tease each other all the time.)

I’m a What??

Humor of the Day, Meme, Neat Things I Didn't Author

You Are a Comma


You are open minded and extremely optimistic.
You enjoy almost all facets of life. You can find the good in almost anything.You keep yourself busy with tons of friends, activities, and interests.
You find it hard to turn down an opportunity, even if you are pressed for time.

Your friends find you fascinating, charming, and easy to talk to.
(But with so many competing interests, you friends do feel like you hardly have time for them.)

You excel in: Inspiring people

You get along best with: The Question Mark

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

Crossing the Tiber

Neat Things I Didn't Author

I was *really* early for Catechism last night, so I browsed through the parish library.  I ended up checking out Steve Ray’s “Crossing the Tiber.”  Now, I came from an atheist background, and didn’t do any sort of research before deciding to come into the church, so my story is completely different from his.  However, this book is amazing!  I didn’t get home until 8:30 pm last night, and I went to bed around 11:30 pm, and in between I had to do a load of laundry, wash some dishes, feed the cats, and have dinner, and I still managed to read half the book!!!  As an aside, he is the crazy footnoting man, but these are well worth the time; most of the “research” part of the book is in the footnotes, while the “story” part is in the main text.

For once, I may *actually* return a library book before it’s due date!  How amazing is that?!  (Yes, I keep libraries solvent via my late fees.  Some day, I’ll have to get back to Troy Public Library and pay that fine from the Harry Potter book I checked out about 2-3 years ago.  If they charge interest on the fine, I may have to fund that expansion they were talking about….  Not that I don’t mean to pay it, I just never find the time to get over there….  They don’t seem to have many/any Catholic books.  Perhaps if they did, I would go more frequently.  Just a thought.)

Striking Fear into my Heart

Of Trials Opportunities and Gifts

Today has been quite a day.  I had testing at University of Michigan Hospital.  As part of my testing, I had to be NPO for 12 hours, then have a blood draw.  Okay.  Well, I can’t start my NPO period after Mass, because then I would have to have my blood draw after 7 pm, and they are closed.  So….  I had to *not* receive the Eucharist at Mass, so that I would be properly NPO from dinner until my blood draw the next morning.

I don’t know about you guys, but going up and *not* receiving the Eucharist was one of the scariest things to me.  I did go up for a blessing.  Walking back, my heart began pounding, and I just wanted to run back into line.  Am I silly?  Or do you guys do this too?

Happily, since I felt that that was the scariest thing I could face — I was not worried about the rest of the day.  There was sickness, pain, and that all-too-often-present feeling that you are going to pass out, but it was a good day (from an end-of-the-day perspective).

How cool is *this*?!?:

Tonight, when I got home, as I was eating my Kashi (yeah, I know — dinner of champs, right?), I was grabbing at the closest printed material to me, since I can’t eat a meal without reading something unless I have company (Thanks, Mom!).  I found this prayer, and it was just perfect!

Act of Spiritual Communion
My Jesus, I believe that You are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.  I love You above all things, and I desire to receive You into my soul.  Since I cannot at this moment receive You sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart.  I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You.  Never permit me to be separated from You. Amen.

Yes! It’s Pink! Deal with it!

Bible Study

What’s pink?  My colored pencil color for the last section of readings in Bible study.  According to Jeff Cavins, this period (The Church) is supposed to be white, to represent the spotless bride of Christ. 

Have you ever tried to highlight with white colored pencil?  Doesn’t work too well.  So I had to pick another color.  I picked pink.  Why pink?  No, not because I am a girly-girl, because, if you know me, you know that that is far from the truth.  First, I was looking for a color visually different from the other colors I have used thus far in my Bible.  Second, pink (rose, for those of you who cringe just at the word….) is the color of the robes that are allowed to be worn on Gaudete Sunday in Advent and Laetare Sunday in Lent.  “Gaudete” meaning, roughly, “rejoicing.”  And to designate the period of “The Church,” being Acts and everything following it, what better color to represent it?  Shouldn’t we be rejoicing all the time after the Resurrection?  (And, yes, there’s that period between the Resurrection and Pentecost, but according to the Bible study program, that is categorized under “Messianic Fulfillment,” and the apostles were still scared and hiding, until they were filled with the Holy Spirit — so I think they were really rejoicing after Pentecost….)  🙂