Little White Book, Tuesday 3/25

Today’s Gospel is Jn 20:11-18, where (to horribly paraphrase) Mary Magdalene is upset because the tomb is empty (thinking someone stole His body), and doesn’t immediately recognise Jesus when he greets her.

So, the book asks me, “…if there are times when the Lord is present to me in a special way and I miss it because it’s not what I expected.”

It would not do for me to simply say, “Yes.”  What would probably be more appropriate is if you imagine me, in traditional online terminology, ROFL.  Seriously, sobbing with laughter, over the fact that Yes!  yes!  I miss it all the time!  I have even pointed out some times in this very blog, how badly I’ve not gotten it.  So much so that I think that my (current) confessor would love to be able to whap me upside the head with a ClueBat sometimes, but (barely) refrains.

Of course, he would probably whap me for saying that he wants to whap me, but that’s besides the point.  I’m supposed to be working on this “thinking that people want to whap me, instead of love me” concept.

“God is so in love with you!”

“Are you sure?  I am highly squishable.  Are you sure He doesn’t want to squish me?  I can see how He’d love other people, but me?”  *makes squishy sound*

*sighs*

So, you know that part in today’s Gospel after Mary Magdalene speaks to Him, thinking He’s the gardener? And He says, “Mary!” ?  That part makes me happy.  Why?  Because I know that I get crazy-silly some times, and I tend to let my silliness build on itself evermore to new heights of the ridiculous.  I need someone sometimes to call me back down to earth, to what is real, to the Truth.  Praise be to God that He is patient like that and cares enough to call after me, “Jenn!” and bring me back, time and again, and calm me before I go super-crit like a runaway reaction.

Lindsay got me a copy of the Little White Book as a present for Easter.  🙂

Monday’s reflection (which I *did* read yesterday — I’m just a little late in my blogging) was on mission and forgiveness.  The two questions posed to us are 1) Which is most needed in our time? and 2) In my life?

1.  I think that both mission and forgiveness are needed in our time, but especially forgiveness.  We are a very egoist society and this only breeds more pain as we use each other as objects.  I further think that the more we can forgive each other, the more disposed we would be to seeing the other as a person with his/her own unique dignity — and this way of seeing each other and living would go much further to promote the Gospel than words alone.  I think that society has heard the talk, and is waiting to see it lived out.

2.  I think for my life, I need to have a greater sense of mission.  Given that I am not really an objective party, I think that I do okay as far as forgiveness goes.  I can’t think of anyone or any situation for which I hold resentment, anger or bitterness.  I wonder….  Can you forgive someone, yet not entirely trust them not to display that same behavior again?  I don’t think that forgiveness and trust are the same thing, but if they are, then I would have to re-examine the question.  However, I think that what I most have to work on at the moment is mission.  I have been in the past one of the most passive, lazy agnostics ever.  Now is the time where I feel called to dig deep and really learn.  And pass on what I’ve learned.  If you know me, you know that I am not…known for my lack of speech.  Haha!  At work, my doctor has even commented that soon the Vatican will come and call me home, because I am always talking about my faith.  I can’t help it!  I’m in love!  I’m filled with zeal (okay, most days — I’ll admit, some days I’m sick and my zeal is very…low-key)!  But, I think I have to keep in mind that this wonderful feeling of zeal may not last and make a determined effort to continue in my studies and witness to the faith.  For feelings are fleeting, and as easy as it may seem now,  it will not be easy forever — and that is where the true test will come into play.

How strong will my faith be when the feelings are not there?  Something to think about.