Little Ball of Hate


I am going to be talking just to You in this post. Mostly because You are all good and You love me and are probably the only One who would want to be around me right now.

I know that emotions are transient, and that they, in themselves, are not sinful. It’s what we do with them, right? Well, right now, I am so frustrated. I can’t even point out a particular reason for my extreme frustration, but there it is. And everything seems to be making it worse!

I am trying to be kind and to help others. I don’t want to feel this way.

I am trying to work on my homework for Catechism study tonight. At the end of the section we are to read for today’s lesson, it tells us to read and pray with Psalm 139 this week. So I looked up and read it. It was all about how You know our innermost thoughts. So You already know how tempestuous I am inside this morning.

I know it will pass. I also know that any comfort given by others is not likely to be received well by me at the moment. I am just not very receptive. The last thing I want when I feel this way is for people to be kind or understanding. Why is that? Is it because their kindness points out in even sharper relief the fact that I am feeling anything BUT kindness at the moment?

Please give me Your peace. It’s the only thing that can help. And please help me to see others through Your eyes and to love them with Your love, for my own is very insufficient, especially now.

Thank You for listening to me and being here with me, even when I don’t want to be with myself. I love You.

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