I got up early this morning. I had issues with my computer yesterday and didn’t get to renew my library movies in time, so I finished watching the ones that I hadn’t watched yet, so that I could return them sometime after Mass or on my way to Matthias’ 1st birthday party. Another $5 library fine. *sigh* At least I support the library financially, right?
It was difficult getting around. My bruises hurt. My muscles hurt worse. I was wobbly and didn’t feel like I had any strength. At times, I felt that my legs were about to buckle underneath me. The worst part is getting up from crouching or sitting. I almost can’t do that.
I went to the 8:15 am Mass at St. A’s, got a mocha and breakfast and came home to finish watching my movies. I dropped them off at the library before it opened and went to Matthias’s party. It was fun, although I knew few people there and took over 500 pictures. 🙂 James had asked if I would take some.
After the party, I stop at the grocery store. I have been out of milk. It’s really all I wanted, but I pick up some soup and things for the week. I lean over the cart as I shop. Still in pain, still unsteady on my feet.
I come home, have something little to eat and sit in the back bedroom. I’m chilly. I read a little, then nap. When I wake up, I start to stand and nearly fall over. Still not back to normal. Every step hurts. I go to my bed and crawl under the feather blanket, shoes still on and fall asleep again. As I fall asleep, I think about this muscle fatigue. I can’t seem to shake it. It’s been a whole day and a lot of sleep since then. I wonder if this is just another aspect of the disease progression. I haven’t really considered what that would look like.
What if I don’t “get back to normal”? What if I stay just like this? Or if it keeps getting worse until I can no longer stand and move? I think I would be a little scared, if I could imagine it. But I can’t, really. I suppose I’ll deal with that when the time comes. And God will give me grace when I need it.
So, I’m not afraid. I’m stubborn, happy, joyful, competitive, and I love my life. Dauntless, yet another day.