Little White Book, Wednesday 3/26

Okay, for whatever reason, I have noticed that most parishes close down to a degree right after Easter and Christmas.  What this means for me (egomaniac that I am) — I don’t get to go to Mass at 6:30 a.m. before work.  Certainly, I do the readings, and, of course, I pray (God didn’t make me with a mute button, people have looked), but I don’t get to receive the Eucharist.  And for this reason, I was all set to playfully pout all week.

Until I read today’s readings, both in my missal and in the LWB.

In the LWB, it says kind of the same thing as yesterday:  “Could it be that the Risen Lord has been with me these past few minutes, and I haven’t realized it?”  The Gospel for today is Lk 24:13-35, with the disciples on the road to Emmaus.  The discussion talks about how they didn’t recognize him in his words, but only after the breaking of the bread.  “Ha ha!” I thought.  Justification for my pouting, and so I was all ready to gleefully push out my bottom lip just a little bit further.

Then, I started on the readings for the day.  In the little blurb before the actual beginning of the readings was this sneaky little sentence, “The glorious mystery of the Holy Eucharist is in itself a continuing miracle of the love of God for his children.”  Then skip down to, “Each day through the Eucharist we will then move one step closer to attaining the fullness of Christ.”  At this last sentence, I thought again that I had justification for my pout, after all, I was not that one step closer, now was I?  But before I could continue with my readings, I was made to go back and read that first sentence again.

“…[the] miracle of the love of God for his children.”

Oops.  Isn’t this that thing which I have been talking about?  That which my confessor thinks that I really need to know?  Perhaps, instead of indulging in my playful pouting, I should use this time where I cannot get to Mass on a daily basis, and reflect upon the fact that He does love me and that I am incredibly privileged to be normally able to attend Mass every day.  I say playfully pout, because I am not really upset.  I would, yes, like to be able to go to Mass, but I certainly recognize that my priests work very hard (how could they not — they have me as a parishioner), and may need a break every now and again to recharge (if that is the intention of the reduced schedule).

But then, even if I am only giving a token complaint, how enormously selfish and spoiled am I?  There are people who don’t get to receive the Eucharist but once a year, if that.  There are still people who are dying for their faith.  And here I am in my sheltered little existence, play-whining?

Oh, time to wake up, little girl.  Where is that ClueBat?  Or, as Archangel’s Advocate’s guardian angel uses, “a 24 carat Gold Plated cast iron skillet 1st used on a certain apostle on his way to Damascus”?  I may be in serious need of a skilleting….

Little White Book, Tuesday 3/25

Today’s Gospel is Jn 20:11-18, where (to horribly paraphrase) Mary Magdalene is upset because the tomb is empty (thinking someone stole His body), and doesn’t immediately recognise Jesus when he greets her.

So, the book asks me, “…if there are times when the Lord is present to me in a special way and I miss it because it’s not what I expected.”

It would not do for me to simply say, “Yes.”  What would probably be more appropriate is if you imagine me, in traditional online terminology, ROFL.  Seriously, sobbing with laughter, over the fact that Yes!  yes!  I miss it all the time!  I have even pointed out some times in this very blog, how badly I’ve not gotten it.  So much so that I think that my (current) confessor would love to be able to whap me upside the head with a ClueBat sometimes, but (barely) refrains.

Of course, he would probably whap me for saying that he wants to whap me, but that’s besides the point.  I’m supposed to be working on this “thinking that people want to whap me, instead of love me” concept.

“God is so in love with you!”

“Are you sure?  I am highly squishable.  Are you sure He doesn’t want to squish me?  I can see how He’d love other people, but me?”  *makes squishy sound*

*sighs*

So, you know that part in today’s Gospel after Mary Magdalene speaks to Him, thinking He’s the gardener? And He says, “Mary!” ?  That part makes me happy.  Why?  Because I know that I get crazy-silly some times, and I tend to let my silliness build on itself evermore to new heights of the ridiculous.  I need someone sometimes to call me back down to earth, to what is real, to the Truth.  Praise be to God that He is patient like that and cares enough to call after me, “Jenn!” and bring me back, time and again, and calm me before I go super-crit like a runaway reaction.

Lindsay got me a copy of the Little White Book as a present for Easter.  🙂

Monday’s reflection (which I *did* read yesterday — I’m just a little late in my blogging) was on mission and forgiveness.  The two questions posed to us are 1) Which is most needed in our time? and 2) In my life?

1.  I think that both mission and forgiveness are needed in our time, but especially forgiveness.  We are a very egoist society and this only breeds more pain as we use each other as objects.  I further think that the more we can forgive each other, the more disposed we would be to seeing the other as a person with his/her own unique dignity — and this way of seeing each other and living would go much further to promote the Gospel than words alone.  I think that society has heard the talk, and is waiting to see it lived out.

2.  I think for my life, I need to have a greater sense of mission.  Given that I am not really an objective party, I think that I do okay as far as forgiveness goes.  I can’t think of anyone or any situation for which I hold resentment, anger or bitterness.  I wonder….  Can you forgive someone, yet not entirely trust them not to display that same behavior again?  I don’t think that forgiveness and trust are the same thing, but if they are, then I would have to re-examine the question.  However, I think that what I most have to work on at the moment is mission.  I have been in the past one of the most passive, lazy agnostics ever.  Now is the time where I feel called to dig deep and really learn.  And pass on what I’ve learned.  If you know me, you know that I am not…known for my lack of speech.  Haha!  At work, my doctor has even commented that soon the Vatican will come and call me home, because I am always talking about my faith.  I can’t help it!  I’m in love!  I’m filled with zeal (okay, most days — I’ll admit, some days I’m sick and my zeal is very…low-key)!  But, I think I have to keep in mind that this wonderful feeling of zeal may not last and make a determined effort to continue in my studies and witness to the faith.  For feelings are fleeting, and as easy as it may seem now,  it will not be easy forever — and that is where the true test will come into play.

How strong will my faith be when the feelings are not there?  Something to think about.