Monthly Archives: June 2008

EMG

Health and Medicine


EMG Marked Forearm

Originally uploaded by CadyLy

So, after several months of progressive, intermittent episodes of paralysis of my wrist/forearm, I get sent to Ortho, which does not appreciate any obvious mechanical defect, and who sends me to have an EMG.

EMG = electromyogram AKA they will electrocute you and see how you respond to that. 🙂

Before the procedure, I get some opinions of the test:
Doctor 1: “Oh, they just use really little skin needles, you’ll be fine.”
Nurse 1: “Are you kidding? I took my husband in for one a month and a half ago, and he cried.”
Nurse 2: Made fish flopping out of water motions at my zapping. Quite amusing, thanks. 🙂
Check-in girl at EMG: “Well, have you ever stuck your finger into a light socket? No? Well, if you’ve ever given birth — if you’ve survived that pain, you’ll survive this. *pause* Don’t worry, most people psyche themselves up for it to be really bad, then say it’s not as bad as they thought.”

Just before testing started:
EMG doctor: “So, what have you heard about the test?”
Me: “That you use tazers and cattle prods?”
EMG doc: “Exactly!”

(To be continued…)

At the end of my testing period, he didn’t have a clear explanation for my symptoms. Basically, my nerves and muscles appeared to be healthy and undamaged, which is good. However, the underlying cause could be a problem with my spinal cord or my brain — both of which sound like excellent options. 🙂

For Argument’s Sake…

Of Vice and Virtue, Sacraments, Theology of the Body

I found this article linked from Ironic Catholic’s blog:

ROME (Reuters) – An Italian couple who were caught having sex in a church confessional box while morning Mass was being said have repented and made peace with the local bishop.

The couple, in their early 30s, were detained by police earlier this month after they had made love in the confessional box in the cathedral in northern Cesena. They were cautioned for obscene acts in public and disturbing a religious function.Their lawyer said they had been drinking all night and realised they had gone too far.

The lawyer told the area’s local newspaper on Wednesday the couple met with the local bishop on Tuesday night, asked for his forgiveness and that he had given it.

Last week the bishop celebrated a “Mass of reparation” in the cathedral where the confessional box incident took place to make up for the sacrilege.

Okay, now calling all canon lawyers, etc., who may come across my blog — kindly pick this apart for me, the almost-still-a-neophyte Catholic and explain all the ways in which this was wrong, and in what ways might it be in very poor taste, but not technically wrong.

I suppose first, we should determine whether the act itself was a sin.  Was this a married couple or not?  Let’s assume, for argument’s sake, that they are married.

During Mass.  Obviously, really poor timing.  I mean, it’s great to give yourself to your partner and renew with your bodies the vows that you made at your wedding, but how does that compare to actually taking the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ into oneself?  If people (including me sometimes, eh) really got it, what was taking place during the Mass, they would be lining up for miles, prostrating themselves in front of the Lord and going out into the world and shouting from the rooftops that they received the Creator of the Universe into their very person.  I have heard of other things (most notably, confession) taking place during Mass, so other things can kind of be there, but Reconciliation is another sacrament, which is to say another encounter with Jesus.  Sex with your spouse — not a sacrament.

Point two:  the article states that the couple had been drinking all night.  I think that an inordinate consumption of alcoholic beverages is a sin, and more to the point, how can you truly make a sincere gift of yourself if you are plastered out of your gourd?  I would think that that would interfere with your will, and cheapen the encounter to a pleasure-only experience.

Point three:  we are not really loving our neighbor, are we?  I mean, it might be fine and all for a married couple to have sex, but there is a huge ICK factor for the people who need to use that room following them.  I would hope that they were quiet, but there is the possibility that they, um, disturbed people attending Mass.  Again, not loving your neighbor there.

What does this say about people’s understanding of the Theology of the Body? 

Okay, I’ve given up the first three points that crossed my mind.  Now, it’s your turn!

Crackberry

Humor of the Day, Of Vice and Virtue

I think it’s highly amusing the length to which I will go to justify my toys. Take this Blackberry for example, I got it for a variety of reasons, but really it’s not essential to life. Hopefully, I will use it in a positive manner and be able to do things like post from WYD, etc.

So now I will have GPS and stuff and actually know what’s on my calendar.

Still a Crackberry though — I’ve gone Evil Empire!

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Faith, Trust and Confession

Of Trials Opportunities and Gifts, Prayer/Prayer Requests, Sacraments, Tales of My Amazing Priests

I should have known something was up when I forgot to bring a book with me to read at Starbucks after Mass before going in to work.  As a result, I had nothing to read while I sat there with my scone and mocha, so I cleaned out my purse.  And I found this badly beaten up card with this prayer on it:

Prayer of Abandonment

 Father,
I abandon myself into your hands;
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.

Let only your will be done in me,
and in all your creatures –
I wish no more than this, O Lord.

Into your hands I commend my soul:
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord, and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.

Charles de Foucauld

And that made me think of when I got the prayer.  It was when Fr. John told us that he was going to be assigned to Our Lady of Good Counsel, and was no longer going to be our pastor.  As a catechumen who had only been going to church for about 2 months, I felt as if my heart had stopped and the earth had fallen away beneath my feet.  My first thought was that I was going to leave, and forget about joining the Church.  I didn’t want to set myself up to trust, to have yet another person taken away from me.  I need security in my life!  My very next thought was, “Wow!  Am I stupid!  This is about God — who is pretty much the only person you can rely upon to be faithful.  How stupid to turn your back on Him, just because you are uncertain about the future.”  So, I fought hard and held back my sobs as I listened to him pray this prayer and tried to understand what was going on.

Time passes.  It’s now been a little over 11 months since Fr. John has left St. Anastasia for Our Lady of Good Counsel.  And truly, this has been a great move, both for me and I would guess for him too, at least he seems happy.  What has happened for me, was that his moving to Our Lady of Good Counsel has given me the opportunity to go to Mass daily.  He started a 6:30 am Mass, and OLGC is only about 10 minutes down the expressway from my work.  So, it works out perfectly.  I also have a second place where I can go to confession, although that can get a little scary.  🙂  Daily Mass is such a blessing for me.  Just ask my friends, I whine and complain like an Israelite in the desert when Mass is cancelled and I cannot receive the Eucharist that day. 

This has also given us a new pastor at St. Anastasia, Fr. JJ.  He is great.  I was skeptical at first about him, being an unknown — and I do not deal well with “scary” “weird” “new” priests.  But he, too, is an amazing man — in a completely different way than Fr. John.

So, many different blessings have come from the re-assignment, and it has been overall a very positive thing for me.

So, as I was cleaning out my purse and saw the prayer and remembered all these things, I smiled and thanked God.  For certainly, His plan in all this was much better than what I had thought in the beginning would have been the best thing to have happen.  His will was so much better than mine.  And because things worked out so very well, I thought that I should try to keep this in mind and give myself over to his will more.  Let His will and not mine be done.

Little did I know that I would be needing that prayer today.

After work today, I called our district manager per usual.  While on the phone, she let me know that the company had not been doing as well as they had thought with the printing side of the business and that her boss, the regional manager, had looked at ways to cut back on costs.  The end result:  I was going to be laid off in 2 weeks.  That’s right.  After working there for 8 years, I was about to be terminated.  What a shock.

My first reaction was to want to go to the car and call someone to vent and discuss this.  However, I had left my cell phone at home, so I faced an hour drive with no one to talk to except God.  Then, I remembered the Prayer of Abandonment, and how God had made things turn out so perfect, when I was sure that everything was headed for disaster.  Certain things would pop into my head.  Like trying to figure out how I can run right out and get another job so that I would have the security of a second income.  And how I didn’t appreciate this job and took it for granted.  It was going to be difficult for me to find a job like this one, where I basically just worked 2 hours on Saturday mornings and got $40 for it.  Other jobs might ask that I work evenings or on Sundays, which I was not crazy about doing.  I really wasn’t too crazy about the idea of working a full 8 hours on Saturday, but knew that this might be necessary.

Then, I stopped myself again.  Here I am, trying to “fix” things.  I thought again of that prayer.  Maybe — just maybe — God wanted me to not work here any more.  Maybe He wants to fill my time in some other way.  So, as hard as it is for me to be still, I am going to make every effort to *not* run out and do something with this block of time, but to really pray about it and try to discern what it is that the Lord wants for me in this regard.

The only question now is what to do about Saturday morning Mass.  St. Anastasia no longer has Saturday morning Mass, and it doesn’t seem like it would really make that much sense to spend $12 in gas to drive out to Plymouth if I weren’t heading that way anyway for work.  I’m not crazy about trying to find a “new” “weird” church locally, and I am not all that crazy about going to church by myself.  But, I will leave this, too, in the hands of God and trust that He will work something out for me.

One would think that maybe this would have been enough for one day.  But no.  See, because I was feeling bad about taking my job for granted, and because I wanted to make sure that I was reconciled with God, I decided to go to Confession.  I was expecting it to be Fr. JJ.  It was not.  It was someone’s boss, instead.  Hmm.  I almost decided to skip Confession today and to come back some other time.  Maybe OLGC on Tuesday, or try next Saturday for Fr. JJ.  But then that thought popped into my head again.  Why am I worried about who the priest is?  Why in the world am I letting that be a barrier between me and Jesus?  What could possibly keep me from reconciling myself to the only one who can make everything better?

Thank You, Holy Spirit, for giving me a swift kick in the butt.  I needed that.  Obviously, You are right and my logic is flawed.  So, I went in and sat in line.

Now, I don’t think I’ve posted my conversion story on this blog yet, so you may not know about The Wrong Mass.  Apparently, there *is* a Wrong Mass, for I have gone to The Wrong Mass twice now.  The first time this happened, I was told by Fr. John that I went to the wrong Mass, to whom I replied in a shocked, incredulous tone, “There’s a wrong Mass?!?!?!?!?”  Okay, keep that in mind.

I enter the confessional (or reconciliation room — I’m not sure what the difference is) and sit down and Msgr. asks me what scripture I brought in with me for confession.  In the same shocked, incredulous tone I say, “We were supposed to bring a scripture?!?!?!?!?”  [See the similarity?]

He nods and says something like, of course, scripture is how He talks to us and it is very important.  Luckily, I did happen to know one passage and was able to talk about that, even though it didn’t explicitly talk about repentance or anything like that, he said it was a good one to start with.  Whew!  Okay, okay.  I know, I gotta dig into the Bible a little more, and actually try to memorize maybe some of it.  Or at least tag a few passages for confession.  🙂

So, I’m already a little uneasy because this is an unknown-quantity priest, but so far, he’s okay.  It was actually a fairly helpful confession and I didn’t get kiboshed over the head in quite the way that I had expected to.  Instead, I’m supposed to be directing my focus this week on mercy.  Both seeing how I give it, and also seeing how I receive it.  It was hypothesized that from what I said, I appear to be someone who gives mercy better than she receives mercy.  Something to look into and grow with, which, I’m sure, was the point.

That being done with, I open up my little missal to my Act of Contrition.  So, of course, once again today, my plans are thwarted when he says, “Now, in your own words, express your sorrow to God.”  Oh man!  Doesn’t he know how horrible I am at spontaneous prayer??  I figure that God may get what I mean, but I’m certain that I sound ridiculous to anyone else.  So, I come up with something, and he doesn’t appear to turn purple or laugh or anything, so either it was acceptable, or he has got a really strong tolerance for the inept at praying.

So, while it is not yet over, it has certainly been a day for me to stretch and grow as a person.

Father, I abandon myself into your hands; do with me what you will.  I pray that I will always trust in you, for your way is so much better than my way.  I pray that you will give me grace and confidence to know that you are my Father, that you love me, and that you will always take care of me.  Amen.

Notes on “Crossing the Threshold of Love” – II

Neat Things I Didn't Author, Theology of the Body

“If the body is not humble, it will obscure not only the true love between man and woman but also that between man and God.” (42)  This, I think, speaks again to the fact that if we do not have self-control, self-mastery over our selves and our will, then we are not going to be able to make an authentic, free gift of ourselves to an other.  Only in a sincere gift of self, are we fully realized.  So, in a way, if I wish to be free, truly free, then I must self-impose limits and truly discern the Lord’s will and conform my own will to His.  Not for His benefit.  But for mine.  How very hard that is to remember, especially when there are so many things that I want, and try to convince myself that I need.  Things will never do it for me, but they are so very attractive, sometimes it’s hard to see beyond the packaging and realize that it’s only a momentary distraction from that which is most important:  my relationship with God.  And not only in things of the world as in material goods do I need to be wary of forming an inordinate attachment, but also the very real danger in my own case of seeing myself as a thing or a commodity.  If I do not see myself as having any value, what does that say about any attempt that I make to make of myself a gift for another?  An empty gesture?

“The proper object of the will is the good as perceived under the light of reason.” (51)

“…the great philosophers have only one word to say and spend their whole life saying it.” (53) I wonder if this is related to the idea that priests have only one homily, which they will preach over and over…. 🙂

Receiving the Eucharist…Such a Joy!

Prayer/Prayer Requests, Sacraments

Ever have one of those days where you are completely overcome by the power of the Eucharist?  Today was one of those days for me. 

I am blessed to be able to go to Mass daily before work.  This morning, I had concern for someone, so I prayed for him throughout the Mass.  After the consecration, when I saw him eat the Lord’s body and drink His blood, I could have cheered.  I was beyond joyous at the fact that he had received our Lord.  I have reason to believe that he does this on a fairly regular basis, so it was not that it was an anomalous event, but I was so convinced of the fact that the Lord was going to do something amazing for him.

I think that’s the definition of “having hope in the Lord.”  I was grinning like an idiot for the rest of the Mass.  And, still am, if truth be told.

Thanks be to God for this amazing gift you have given us in the Eucharist!  May the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Lord Jesus Christ bring us all to everlasting life.  Amen.  🙂

“Pro-Child, Pro-Choice”

Prayer/Prayer Requests, Right to Life Issues

This was a bumper sticker that I saw in the parking lot of work this morning.  It made me stop and think.  Okay, you are “pro-child”, and that is a good thing, because all life is precious, and all people are made in the image and likeness of God.

But, which children?  Obviously, it can’t be all children, because if you are “pro-choice,” then you are in favor of the destruction of certain children, at least conditionally.  So, certainly you are not “pro-” that child. 

Then, which children are you in support of?  Those whom you have deemed acceptable due to an arbitrary standard?  Those whom are convenient and fit into your plans for your life?  What of the others?  Are they unnecessary, inconvenient and defective and thus able to be discarded carelessly?

Apparently, this is a true statement, at least according to the culture of death in which we find ourselves.  It doesn’t only apply to the unborn — it is also true for those who are not “productive members of society” or those who are too old or too sick or too whatever-it-may-be.  For those who do not fit society’s arbitrary measuring stick of personal value.

And what if God took this view?  Could I be seen as unnecessary, inconvenient and defective in His eyes?  Certainly, God doesn’t, strictly speaking, need anything.  So, I suppose that it could be said that I am unnecessary.  Inconvenient and defective?  Well, I think those go hand and hand to a degree.  I am certainly a stubborn, sinful little sheep.  I would imagine that it would be more convenient to only accept into heaven those people who were not sinful.  Probably a little inconvenient to have to purify people in Purgatory.  And defective?  Well, if my heart and will are not conformed to Christ’s, then, yeah, I’m still defective.  And we all have concupiscence, so I would imagine that that applies to each of us.

Praise God that He is not “pro-choice” in this manner.  Thanks be to God that He is “pro-life,” and not just in a general sense, but pro- my life and pro- your life, specifically.  In a radical and passionate way, is He pro- our lives.  He gave His only son — for us!  We hear that and we say that a lot — but do we really get it?  I don’t think so.  I think at most, on our good days, we might get a sliver of what this means, but we probably do not really get it on a day-to-day basis.  For if we did, how could we possibly make the bad decisions that we do?

“Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.”  I think a lot of us are here.  We are like blind little sheep with hardened hearts.  Some of us are content to stay this way, or think that we know better and are rooted in place, spiritually, by our own pride.  Some of us are struggling to overcome our sheepness, and grow in virtue, and we will continually fall, but I think the point here is that we forgive each other our transgressions and work with one another to pick each other back up, point our brother in the correct direction towards God, and continue in the journey until — please, God — we have all made it safely home.

I pray today, Lord, that You will give me the grace to master my will against my tendency to sin.

Notes from “Crossing the Threshold of Love”

Neat Things I Didn't Author, Theology of the Body

I’m currently reading “Crossing the Threshold of Love:  A New Vision of Marriage in the Light of John Paul II’s Anthropology” by Mary Shivanandan.  Since it’s a library book, I’ll post my notes here.  🙂  Whatever catches my eye….  🙂

“…the ‘culture of contraception’ alienates man from woman.  Each begins to treat the other as an object, leading to a breakdown of the communion of persons of the husband and wife and the rejection of the child.” (xxii)

“Truth, he [Karol Wojtyla] asserts, ‘can only be enhanced from a confrontation with experience’ (LR, 10).” (4)  If it is true, then it is always true, and if it is actually true, than that truth cannot change.  It will be true for all times, and not just true for a past generation, but no longer applicable in modern times.  You cannot at the same time hold that the Church promotes truth, and that the Church is hopelessly “stuck in the past” when it comes to matters of contraception, sexuality and relationships between the genders.  The Church’s teachings are either true or they are not.  And one either accepts that or s/he does not.

“‘Perfectionism’ — the philosophical concept that a man’s actions form his character….” (7)  “In this whole process of accepting and rejecting the people and objects he meets, Adam is revealed to himself constantly and ‘reveals in himself the love that works through him’.” (7)  A great parallel of the concept of the grace that works through us, as everything begins as God’s initiative; and the participation we need to show in response to that gift of grace.