Category Archives: Jennspeak

Oh. That’s What They Mean.

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Last oil change, guy says, “Your tires are in the red. So, next oil change, you should probably get new ones.”
Okay.
Then, postcard comes in the mail. “Your tires need to be replaced IMMEDIATELY.”
Huh. Well, the guy said, next oil change. I got like 7,500 miles, right?
Stacy comes over, tell her about the tires, she’s skeptical if they really need replacing already. Looks. Says, “Yeah you do!”
Okay.
Time passes.
Figures speeding ticket must be due to the influence of the nice racing slicks I’m developing. 🙂
Except.
Yesterday.
Raining.
Did you know that if your tires have no tread, your car tends to fly off the road?
I found that out.
So….
I guess “red” = “bad”….

It’s supposed to rain the next several days.

— Broken McSickyPants, formerly Zoomie Vroom McLawBreaker

Snails

Health and Medicine, Jennspeak, Of Trials Opportunities and Gifts, Sacraments, St. Anastasia, Tales of My Amazing Priests, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This morning I went with Lindsay to St. A’s for the rosary and 9:30 am Mass, which was to be a healing Mass. I was looking forward to getting anointed, since I have had all these medical things going on and figured that God can heal me better than the doctors, who have yet to figure out what’s going on. 🙂

Since it’s Friday, we prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries. These are my favorite mysteries, I think because they are the only ones I have memorized. 🙂 I offered my rosary for the intention of a few people, one in particular, and as I was praying it, I pictured them in Jesus’ place: in the garden, being scourged, being crowned with thorns, carrying the cross, being crucified. I saw myself kind of in the picture too. My heart was breaking, going out to them. It made me sad to see them suffer like that, so I was trying to take the burden from them, although I knew that it was something that they had to do and didn’t want to interfere with God’s plan. I know, kind of a weird thing to be thinking of during a rosary, right?

After the rosary, I wanted to sit next to Lynn for Mass, so we moved. As we were waiting for Mass to start, Lynn shared with me the hymn from today’s Magnificat morning prayer:

O Love of God incarnate,
our flesh, our blood, our bone,
where sin has torn and marred us,
You make our wounds your own.
You take our guilt upon you,
our burdened spirits bear;
in death you go before us,
and you await us there.
You rise, our wounds upon You,
the nail prints clearly seen,
Your ravaged side still open –
but love has washed them clean.
the pow’r that conquers evil
in You now stands revealed.
We touch You, unbelieving,
and find that we are healed.

For some reason, this really disturbed me. I didn’t want to hurt Him any more. I didn’t want Him to have to suffer for my wounds. I was horrified. I wanted to protect Him. I handed the Magnificat back to Lynn. She asked what I thought. I said something like it was scary, because I couldn’t quite articulate what I thought about it.

I sat there praying, my heart saddened at the thought of causing the Lord more pain. Mass began. It wasn’t that long into Mass that a thought or image or something popped into my head, and but the whole thing into perspective for me. Then, I was so full of joy that I was actually giggling. In the middle of Mass. It was great. I mean, I don’t want to be disruptive and stuff to people around me, but I love when God interacts with me like that. See, because it wasn’t just a random thought popping into my head, it was Him trying to teach me something. Here, I’ll share it with you:

The image which came to mind was me, as a tiny snail. I was suffering because I had a toothpick stuck in me and had this marble squishing down on me. Jesus came over to me, and asked me if I would give him my toothpick and marble. He was the size of a normal-big human person, and I was this little 1 cm or so snail. My little snail-self took a big sigh and said, no, that I didn’t want Him to hurt and that I would keep my toothpick and marble. He laughed, lovingly, at me and made a beckoning motion with his right hand, saying, “Come now, give Me them. I can take it. I am strong. They are not going to hurt Me.”

I thought of my dad, and how he would want us to work through our own issues, and would be disappointed in us if we had to come to him for help. My snail-self wavered.

I saw things from Jesus’ perspective. Here was this tiny, little snail, with a little toothpick and a little marble. Insignificant little things, really, but they were hurting the little snail. He was looking on with love, and wanted to take them away from the little snail, but he wasn’t going to take them — he wanted the snail to ask for them to be taken away. He said again, “They are not going to hurt Me. I am God. Don’t you think that I can take it? That is not what hurts me, these things. What hurts is when people turn away from Me. Please give them to Me.”

Then, I understood.

Then, my little snail-self was joyful and saying, “TAKE IT! TAKE IT! TAKE IT! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!” and offering to him gleefully my toothpick and marble. And I was washed in joy and His love. I wasn’t hurting Him, I was letting Him in — and that’s what He wants.

As an aside, at the end of Mass, Fr. Mark said that they weren’t going to be doing the Anointing at that Mass, but next Friday — which I wouldn’t be able to attend. I was disappointed, since I hadn’t been anointed for these medical things and really wanted to be. Lynn suggested that I ask him after Mass if he would anoint me, but I was hesitant — I don’t like to infringe on people’s time like that, asking for favors. Then, Lindsay said that she was going to ask him if he would hear her confession. So, she actually asked for me, by asking him if he had time to do 2 more sacraments. And so, the little snail got to give away her toothpick and her marble. 🙂 Thanks be to God for Lynn and Lindsay. And praise God for the unimaginable love that He gives to us all, for no reason whatsoever.

My New Name: Zoomie McLawBreaker

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Why is this my new name? Because yesterday, I got my very first speeding ticket.
As a co-worker notes, “Aww! And you’ve been practicing for so long! Congratulations!”

I need to go on record first as saying . . . I totally deserve this. Not only was I speeding, really speeding, but I have a habit of speeding, which has been getting worse in the past few months.

Not just in the car, but it’s kind of like a theme in my life: a hundred miles an hour . . . right up until I smash into the brick wall and collapse or something. I’m usually a girl of extremes. I live passionately and fully and with great enthusiasm. I am stubborn and joyful and am a good problem-solver. I struggle with things like patience, although I don’t hold a grudge and tend to be okay with forgiveness. I love to give and I love to love — and these I do as much as I can, usually without thought to what it might cost me. (Which, of course, is not good if you are my accountant, but I really don’t care about having any money in the bank. I just hope to be able to pay my bills. After that, if I have a zero balance, but the people I care about are happy, then I’m all good with that.)

Some of these are good things, some are not. A little more balance in my life would probably, objectively, be a good thing, but I am not good with that.

I am not upset at all about my speeding ticket. I think God allowed me to get that speeding ticket. I think I probably needed to get that ticket. I tend to have little regard for my own well-being. I tend to be careless with myself, or rather, unconcerned. This frequently gets me into trouble.

Over the past month or so, I’ve had problems with chest pain and shortness of breath which have had me in and out of the ER, and even admitted to the hospital. I can’t run anymore and it takes me a lot longer to get anything done.

I think God’s trying to tell me to slow down, in a couple different ways.

Best New Song!

Jennspeak, , ,

I just wrote it! 🙂

You are my Starbucks, my lovely Starbucks,
You make me happy, when skies are gray,
You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you,
Please don’t take my Starbucks away! 🙂

Now accepting offers of espresso-based goodness! 🙂

I *will* get air conditioning if it kills me!

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I think we all remember the last time I had a struggle getting my A/C up and running…

This year:

I have a temporary roommate. Which means that I have given up my bedroom in favor of sleeping in a chair in my prayer room. The window there is very small. And it does not raise up very high. So the window air conditioner that I have is too tall to fit nicely in the bottom part of the window.

But, you all know how stubborn I am. It is 11 pm, and my thermostat on my house says 82.5 degrees F, and I am itchy from this rash and poison ivy or whatever it is that is plaguing my skin and I am having NONE OF IT! 🙂 I am determined to have air conditioning.

So, I try and move all the window panes to the bottom instead of to the top and putting the air conditioner on the top part of the window. Never mind that I am short of breath and being worked up for a cardiac condition. I am lifting heavy things over my head because I am a) stubborn and b) dumb. Okay, it mostly fits in there. It’s a little tall still, so it is not going to pitch backwards out of the house. The only question is if it going to pitch forward and fall into the house and on my head.

Hmmmm….

How can we fix this?

Holding up my curtains is this flimsy, cheap metal rod.

Maybe…

I can stick something in there, wedge it between the rod and the air conditioner, to hold it in place. But what?

I got it!

A tripod!

Genius!

And now I have air conditioning! 🙂

DSCN7976

Just Another Walk Around the Block

Jennspeak, Of Trials Opportunities and Gifts, , , , , , ,

During dinner, I felt like talking a walk. It’s getting late, about 9:30 pm or so, but it would be nice to stop by the playground and swing on the swings for a bit before going to bed. So, I grabbed my iPod and left the house. As always, even as I am dancing and running and walking my way to the park, my mind wanders.

I have someone whom God has asked me to intercede for, to care for, and to love as He loves, so as to learn love as He loves. No small task, but one I cherish. God doesn’t burden you with vocations, He blesses you with them. As my mind is wandering, it wanders over to this topic — which is really not that surprising to me.

Would I protect this person?
Yes, of course, from everything I can which is harmful.

Would I give my life for this person?
Absolutely.

Why?
Because it is my job. To care for this person. And my caring does not stop at my prayers.
I am willing to do whatever God asks of me.
And God is good.
If God truly asks that I lay down my life, it is His.
Without question.
Without hesitation.

God loves me.
Whatever death, pain, suffering might come my way, God can handle.
I just need to get out of the way of His healing.
God loves me.

Nothing else matters.
He has me.
He loves me.
I trust Him.

This is a fight.
Truly, we are the church militant, right? There is danger. There are threats. We need to be strong. We need to protect each other.
He is asking if I will fight for this person that He gave me.
Absolutely.

The best part.
I am not alone.
He’s not asking that I do this alone.
Angels.
Seriously. Angels are in this fight right alongside us.

My Lord, my love, I am here.
Take whatever You want.
Use me however You want.
Help me to do Your will.

I am not afraid.
God loves me.

Not bad for a walk, eh? 🙂

When Venti is Just Too Small…

Humor of the Day, Jennspeak, Pop Culture, , , ,

I thought this was hilarious! Biggby coffee already has as their largest size a 24 oz, which is 4 oz larger than a Starbucks Venti (my usual size). But then, I was randomly looking at Biggby Bob’s blog and found THIS!

Check it out, you will laugh too! Happy Wednesday!

Says something about us, doesn’t it?

Vocations – A Reflection on the Single State of Life

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I think the single life is a state of life which is not often recognized as a vocation in our culture today. Too often, it may be seen more as a state of pending — waiting to determine if I am called to marriage or to consecrated life, instead of as an authentic calling on its own. I bought into this and was waiting myself, until I realized that God calls me all the time, and that I am currently in a valid state of life. And that I had better start responding. As a single, I do not have the same ties on my time, resources and attention as married couples. I can travel on pilgrimage. I can be that substitute catechist. I can be on parish council. I can volunteer at the various fundraisers. I can sponsor events. I can help out on a moment’s notice. Parents are the primary educators of their children, but in some ways, singles are the primary educators of their peers. I am living in the world in a way in which religious are not and I have potentially more free time to attend lectures to deepen my understanding of the faith and have greater access to a wider population of people. There is an expectation of a married couple to be more responsible, more religious, and in some ways more mature than a single. This, I find to be a great challenge for me to step up and attempt to be a good example of what it can be to live a good Christian life as a single. God is not waiting to call me, so why am I waiting to respond? If my state of life changes, then I will respond in that capacity at that time, and serve in the new role which God has called me to fulfill. He is calling today and I am answering today, with all the flexibility, resources and time that I have currently as a single, able to live my life entirely for others.

— Published in the OLGC Bulletin, March 22, 2009 🙂

I Have a Strange Sense of Humor

Humor of the Day, Jennspeak, Neat Things I Didn't Author

For example, take the books I picked up from the library today:

“Son of a Witch” by Gregory Maguire
“Chicken Soup for the Soul: Living Catholic Faith: 101 Stories to Offer Hope, Deepen Faith, and Spread Love” by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & LeAnn Thieman
“He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
“Sex for Busy People: The Art of the Quickie for Lovers on the Go” by Emily Dubberley (This I think will be hysterical! Completely absurd!)
“Benedict XVI: Spiritual Thoughts in the First Year of His Papacy” by USCCB

Update
The “Sex for Busy People” book? Ugh. Completely X-rated. I’m surprised this was available on the shelves at the public library. Yuck. Not funny. Morally offensive.

Current Thoughts Bouncing Around My Head

Jennspeak, Neat Things I Didn't Author, Pop Culture

1. Yay! I finally have MY car back! I only have about 3 weeks left on my warranty (and the car’s only a year old! I just happen to drive A LOT!), and my little message display stopped working, so it was in the shop to try and figure out what was going on. I had thought it was just a fuse, but the tech said it had power and had a ground, so they want to replace the entire unit. Yay, warranty! Knock yourselves out! 🙂 The only bad thing is that I was without my car for 2 days. I am grateful that my mom was willing to let me borrow her car (and that she had Wednesday and Thursday off!). However, driving her car made me so incredibly glad to get my own back. Not that her car is awful or anything. She has a 2007 Dodge Caliber. But, it does have some characteristics which I found irksome.

a. My mom and I are the same height and everything, but she likes to sit WAY too close to the steering wheel. Since, I understand the pain and anguish of having to readjust the seat, I left it the way she likes it. As a related issue, she likes the steering wheel low, so that’s almost in your lap, too. Problem being that the top part of the steering wheel is right in the line of sight for the speedometer. Now, I understand that Mom doesn’t use those digits at the top of the dial, but for her daughter, Mario Andretti, there was an issue.

b. It seems like this car has much less visibility than mine. Wider pillars, smaller back window. However, her side mirrors are amazingly well-adjusted.

c. Her transmission doesn’t sound the same switching gears. So, I don’t know that I’m going too fast until the little needle comes out of hiding from the steering wheel, like at 95 mph. 🙂 (Just kidding, Mom! I didn’t have your car going that fast!)

d. Mom and Dad were irritated by the shape of the headrests on the seats…so they removed them. Now, the seat only goes up to your shoulder, and there is no support for my head/neck were I to get into a crash. That is more than a little disturbing to me.

e. Her cup holders are further down by the floor than mine and not well protected. It is much easier to spill my coffee. And, because of their location, you almost have to look down to put the cup back in the holder — which, hello, distracted driving. I made sure to evaluate my options for Starbucks-compatibility before purchasing. Just saying.

f. Mom doesn’t care about “options” in a car. If she could buy one without power anything and with no radio, she would do it. It just happens that the better leases are on cars which have at least a few options. Resale value is higher. Go figure. 🙂 Because she does not care, the clock was still at the wrong time (never changed when daylight savings did). So, I fixed that. But then, turning on the radio, I found it all messed up. Obviously, my brother must have messed with it, since the fade and balance were adjusted so that I was certain I was going deaf in one ear, and the bass was cranked up way too much. Not that I don’t like bass. But, seriously, when it is making all the plasticy pieces in the back of the car rattle — not the vibrational sound I was going for.

Overall, it was good, reliable transportation, and I am very, very thankful that I was able to borrow her car to go to work.

2. On a related note, I noticed yesterday that her passenger windshield wiper had hanging rubber, and wasn’t wiping very well. And, because it is expected to snow tomorrow pretty good, I needed to make sure I returned the car fully functional, so Mom could go to work. So, I faced the prospect of having one car in the shop and trying to find a way to get parts for the other car. I stopped by an Auto Zone on the way to get Mom (to pick up my car). I bought a new wiper blade and the kind boy behind the counter installed it for me! Go AutoZoneBoy! Thank you! I prayed that he would have a blessed evening and day today, for his kindness. Because of him, I was able to return her car in perfect condition, with a full tank of gas (okay AZB didn’t do that, but still).

3. “A lot of taxpayers’ money is going into Church schools and I think we should tease out what is happening here,” said Sheerman. “It seems to me that faith education works all right as long as people are not that serious about their faith. But as soon as there is a more doctrinaire attitude, questions have to be asked.” — Courtesy of ZENIT

Oh, I getcha. Religion is fine as long as it’s not REAL. What they are saying is they don’t mind believers who…don’t really believe. What? I mean, if we aren’t to teach the faith, why not just have secular schools? Duh. Why are they surprised? It’s like saying, “Math classes are fine, as long as the students really aren’t learning anything. But as soon as they start actually teaching algebra and long division, questions have to be asked.” In summation, “Keep the dumb sheep dumb.” Thank you, Satan; I think I’ll pass.