Find Joy in Each Day

Bringing Lent Home with Mother Teresa

Today was our Parish Reconciliation Service. I had tried to go to reconciliation on Friday at Christ the King, but they only have confession for 25 minutes prior to Mass, and there was a long line of people. It got to where I was the very next person to get into the confessional and I was started to really think that I’d get in. Alas, the woman in front of me took a long time and I wasn’t able to go. It’s so disappointing when that happens.

I try very hard to control my emotions, although they want to do things like make a sign right next to the one that says “Confessions will stop 5 minutes prior to Mass” which says, “This means you should confess your sins in number and kind and not try to justify them, for the sake of the people behind you in line who also need to be forgiven of their sins.” It doesn’t take that long to say, “I kicked a puppy three times, smacked my kid brother, was late for Mass every Sunday for the past 3 months and stole a pen from work.” 10 seconds. DONE.

So, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they haven’t been to Confession in a long time or are extremely shy? Maybe they do have a lot things to confess? Suppose something upsetting happened to them and they need extra counseling from the priest? With all that, you can’t be upset at the other people who were in line.

All of this comes and goes in a second. A moment’s irritation and then I am back to myself again. 🙂 But, it does leave me with the question of where I am going to get to go to Reconciliation. I was too sick on Saturday to do much of anything, and I know that Palm Sunday weekend is rather hit-or-miss for being able to catch confession. So, when I saw that we had the Parish Reconciliation Service, I knew that I had to go then.

I was the second person to see my priest. I was in and out quick (you’re welcome!) and my penance was to say a prayer, either from the liturgy aid or from somewhere else. I gathered my things and went from the church to the chapel, where — delightfully — the Eucharist was out for Adoration. I had looked in the bookshelf before entering the chapel for a book of prayers, but didn’t see any. I was going to grab a Bible and pray one of the psalms, but the Bible I was looking for wasn’t on the shelf. I thought that someone might have left it in the chapel and went in. Alas, no Bible in the pews. I sat down and looked through the things in my bag, looking for a prayer. (Doesn’t one usually search for the *answer* to a prayer?)

I came across my “Bringing Lent Home with Mother Teresa” book and opened to today, Monday of the 5th week of Lent. In the prayer section was, “Dear Lord, help us to find joy in each day no matter what is happening.” This reminded me of this weekend, which was arguably one of the roughest weekends, healthwise, that I have had in a long time.

Saturday started with me waking up screaming in pain from some major muscle cramping. Screaming. It was that bad. After that, I had some muscles in my upper back begin cramping up. They haven’t really subsided, even now. Ouchie. On top of that, I had a headache, dizziness, nausea, and a lot of chest pain. I slept most of the day, only waking up when a friend rang my doorbell for us to go see the play, “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat,” at the seminary (which was *awesome*).

Sunday, I felt just as bad, except my back and shoulder had hurt so much, I hadn’t slept very well. But, it was a gorgeous and warm day, and I didn’t want to miss out on it, so I got ready for the day, packed up a bag with some books and headed out. I stopped at a friend’s house to see if she wanted to accompany me, but she had to work. I dropped her off and made my way to Cranbrook, where I had a lovely time reading among the various flowering trees. I picked her up from work a couple hours later and we spent some time at Manresa. I still felt pretty bad, but thoroughly enjoyed the beautiful, peaceful day that God had granted me. I was able to see, however, just how poorly I was doing, because even a slow meandering around outside was too much for me.

But, I persevered on. Went to Mass and the RCIA meeting where we had some pizza for dinner. Finally, I collapsed into bed, thankful for the wonderful day and the great people He placed in my life.

I think that joy is both a grace and a choice. God gives me joy, but I also choose to be happy. I choose to focus on the beauty and gifts and grace which I have been given. I choose to not get discouraged over my physical problems. I choose to live as best I can every day, even when the pain is great and the temptation to sleep away my days is lulling me to stay in the house. I choose to offer up my pain in the hope and expectation that God will be able to help someone else because of my cooperation. I choose to accept the joy he offers.

And every day, I get the chance to choose joy again.

Joe and the Coat

By Divine Providence, I was reminded of the annual play, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, taking place at Sacred Heart Major Seminary on the last day it was to be shown, and in time for me to actually catch it!

I called up April, and luckily she was able to come with me. It was a great production! And, we must have gotten the best night, since Archbishop Vigneron was also in attendance! 🙂

We got there in plenty of time, so I gave April an unofficial tour of the Seminary. We found all kinds of cool places there, which I will not recount here since we probably shouldn’t have been in some of them! 🙂

In the chapel, April took the opportunity to see what it felt like to sit on the presider’s chair:
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Tell me that it’s not fun up there!

I didn’t take pictures during the play, since I was too busy enjoying it! It was wonderful and a lot of fun!
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After the play, we went to Coldstone and got some Amazing Technicolor Dream Cream!
I picked cotton candy ice cream with raspberry sorbet, rainbow sprinkles and white chocolate chips:
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Just look at these happy faces!
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Oh the Things You Find…

I was in my garage looking for my A&P textbook this morning.  I didn’t find it, but I *did* find “Principles of Gene Manipulation.”  I took it inside the house and was flipping through it when I found a scrap of paper that I had apparently used as a bookmark.

Jonathan Zezulka

Someone’s address on the USS Hancock.  I have no idea how, where or when I met Jonathan.  Now, I’m curious…  So I pop onto Facebook and search for his name.  No luck.  I search Google — I know, it’s a long shot, but his last name doesn’t seem common so there’s a chance.

Well, I *did* find something.  Apparently, he was married and his wife died while he was stationed in Iraq.  😦  How horrible!  I can’t imagine that pain.

He has a profile up on one of the Veterans sites, stating that not only was he on the Hancock, but he was an Electrician’s Mate from NNPTC Orlando.  So, he was a Nuke, like me.  Did I know him in Nuke school?  Did I meet him in Jacksonville?  In Norfolk?  Puerto Rico?  Hawaii?

I’m still curious.  I’d like to run into him again and catch up on things.  🙂  Fr. JJ always says there’s no such thing as a coincidence….  I wonder what this means….  🙂

How Not to Wake Up

Volcano

I believe there is a right way and a wrong way to wake up.

For example, screaming in pain. This is not the right way.

Unfortunately, this is how I woke up. I had a muscle cramp in my leg so bad, my entire limb was distorted. While screaming and trying to stretch it out — something to make it feel better — my thoughts were of earthquakes as I tried to determine the Richter number of this particular episode. The epicenter of this particular event seemed to be in my ankle and shooting up the lateral side of my calf.

“On fire” does not even begin to describe the feeling. Even through the screamy pain, I did unite my suffering to the cross for a particular person. You are going to have a fantastic day. You’re welcome! 🙂

In further achy news, my chronically tight and painful neck muscles have spread their misery to my surrounding upper back muscles. Way to share, guys.

Soon, it will be close enough to dawn to attempt a walk to the park to stretch these muscles out. Let’s all cheer. Neuromuscular disorder – yay. :/

7 Tiny Thought Bubbles Friday

— 1 —

CDM.  This stands for Celebrity Deathmatch, that claymation show from MTV where different celebrities are pitted against each other in a boxing ring, usually to the death.  Even though I didn’t really watch the show, I like to use the concept when talking about things I want to pit against each other.  Like my various medical issues.

Currently, one aspect of my mitochondrial myopathy, while making me very sick, is helping out with some of my PCOS issues.  So, I’m definitely all for Medical Condition CDM in this case, and I’m rooting for the myopathy.  At least for a while.  🙂

— 2 —

Stop HHS

This probably should have been #1, but today is the Stop HHS Rally!  It’s taking place, to my knowledge, throughout the country at 12 pm today.  I will be attending in Ann Arbor, and will hopefully have some pictures to post later in the day.  First amendment rights, Freedom OF Religion (**Not freedom FROM religion**), and the ability to follow your conscience are definitely things that I think are important to stand up for.  If you would like more information or would like to sign the petition, please visit the Stop HHS website.

— 3 —

Rollerblading at work!  One of my coworkers brought in rollerblades today.  This is awesome!  🙂  I love my team!

— 4 —

Is anyone else in shock and disbelief that Holy Week is coming up so soon?  This happens *every* Lent.  Do not get me wrong, I love Easter, but I think I need a little bit more Lent before I am really “ready.”  That said, I am so excited! for the activities of Holy Week.  Chrism Mass in particular.  This is one of my favorite liturgies of the entire year!

— 5 —

With Easter just around the corner, I’m hoping that I will be able to spend a little bit more time in prayer and planning prior to the big event(s).  Usually, I’m so busy trying to wrap up Lent that Easter hits me over the head by surprise.  So, I *might* not be online quite as much as I am used to being online.  If you do not see me, it is likely that I’m still on the planet,  just not readily accessible….   🙂

— 6 —

Does anyone else have a problem with returning library books on time?  I seem to have some sort of pathological condition which precludes me from being able to make a library book deadline.  No matter what, I’ve very rarely been able to check out a book without incurring a fine.  Which I rationalize as my way of supporting the library financially.  However, with the parish library, this can get out of hand.  For example, I have one book that I checked out of the parish library about 3-4 years ago….  They only let you check it out for 3 weeks at a time.  I’m only halfway through reading it.  They did send me a note once, asking for it back.  This was about a year and a half ago.  Well, now I have checked out two books from my other parish library.  And they are due on Monday.  What do you suppose the likelihood is of my returning them on time?

— 7 —

Related to this Late Library Book Syndrome, I can’t seem to leave a library without checking out a book… or four!  Doesn’t matter how many books I am currently reading.  I blame the consumeristic society.  🙂  And the flimsy nature of my will.  I have a whole bookshelf in my home dedicated to Books That Belong to Someone Else.  I just love books — I can’t help it!  I have over 1,000 books on my Amazon Wishlist and over 1,500 on my To-Read list on Goodreads.  I wonder if I will get through them in my lifetime.  And, if not, if God will give me access to a library in Heaven and not charge me fines….  🙂

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

7 Random Trains of Thought

— 1 —

Okay, here’s my first attempt at doing a 7 Quick Takes Friday.  It’s always been an interesting concept, but I’ve never had/taken the time to actually do it.  What I do instead (when I’m actually more-0rganized-than-not) is make a task on my Google calendar with blog post ideas.  Then, promptly forget to write them when I do have time.  Great plan, eh?  🙂

— 2 —

Family tree

This week, I’ve been working a lot on my family tree. It’s an interesting project, yet sometimes tedious in all the details. Especially when you have to sift through several different lists of children, with similar names, different dates of birth, sometimes attached to the wrong parents…. But with some online software, I’ve managed to trace my family history back quite a ways. Oddly enough, both parents’ ancestry begins in France. Not what I had expected! And apparently, we are related to King Henry III of England, although we are so distant, I made sure to tell my brother that there was NO WAY he would EVER get the throne. 🙂

— 3 —

Lent. This happens every year, it seems. I start off Lent with great ideas and plans and wait with eager anticipation the closeness that I will gain with the Lord. And then… The Dry Season. That part of Lent where you think that you’ve wasted the graces given out during this time Yet Again. Who knew that spiritual progress could be so much work! 😉

— 4 —

I’m excited to say that MiChart has decided to extend our contracts until September! This means that I will get to continue working on the new software implementation at the hospital with a team which seems much more like family than coworkers. Although we have had hints here and there, my expectation was that I was going to be returning to my regular department on Monday. Yesterday, our Principle Trainer, Carolyn, came by Michigan House and spoke with us one-on-one to see if we would be willing to stay on the project. To a man, we are all remaining (minus the members of our team who had to return to their clinics early)! 🙂 RAGE!

— 5 —

Jeans Day has evolved to Shorts Day at the office. This is awesome. 🙂

— 6 —

Tonight, I have the dilemma of going to the Young Adult Brew & View or attending the Fellowship of St. Paul meeting. I’d like to be at both, although that won’t happen unless I learn how to bi-locate quickly! I think the movie this evening is “The Prestige.”

— 7 —

This weekend, I’ll get to spend some time with cute little girl Evie while her parents get some stuff done around the house. Then, I will go to St. Anastasia’s annual Irish Night! Since we acquired an authentic Irish pastor, we have had these annual celebrations. They are so much fun! I get to wear all my green and Irish dollar store accessories, dance all night, have traditional Irish fare like corned beef and cabbage, and sometimes help the kids with various games and projects like icing Shamrock sugar cookies! 🙂 Much fun will be had by all, and I’m sure I’ll have tons of photos for you to view shortly!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Where Do I Write?

Okay, so Jennifer Fulwiler (who is like another me, only with a bigger fan base, more dedication to blogging regularly, a husband and kids, many inches in height, and the whole scorpion thing… other than that — identical!) commented in a recent post that she wanted to see the spaces in which we write. Oh, boy. My house is a mess, but here you go! 🙂

This is my Laptop by the Futon. It’s here “temporarily” because my desktop has decided not to be able to turn on. I think I might need to replace the battery in the motherboard, but I’ve not yet bought the battery. So, I instead set the laptop on a snack tray and contort myself uncomfortably in the futon to be able to write. It’s kind of sad, but I’ve found it useful to always have a computer on hand. You never know when you might need to look something up, add something to your Amazon wishlist (how I window-shop), or post something to your blog or FB page. 🙂
Laptop by the Futon

Where I *really* like to write is at my desk in my office:
The Desk of Doom
I affectionately call it the Desk of Doom, because it’s so large. You can’t even see all of it in this photo! However, since the desktop is “sleeping,” (Wake up, Fishie! Why you sleeping?) I find it more annoying when I’m in the middle of studying to run to the other room if I want to go online.

So, the point of the story is….
Please send over someone who can fix my desktop! With a battery! 🙂

Thanks! Love you and God Bless!

The Rollercoaster of Life

Erwin and Rob on Dragster - DSCN9394

What a rollercoaster life is, eh?  From the bumps, highs, lows, scary parts, exciting parts, times where you are waiting and waiting just to get in the car, disappointments, aggravations, thrill, dread and anticipation, that feeling — once you’ve committed yourself and are strapped in, climbing the big hill, listening to the loud clanking of the chain pulling you away from the safe and familiar — wondering, “What was I thinking?  Will I survive this?”  And the joy and sense of being alive, spurring you on to the next experience.

It’s nowhere near as much fun going on the ride alone — you need to experience it with your friends.  The problem is, when you are on the ride, everything is a blur.  It’s not until you get off that you have time to compare notes about what you just experienced.

Life is kind of like that, too.  I am so grateful for my friends who are accompanying me on this ride.  At the same time, we are busy, busy, busy and there’s never enough time to spare with any of them.  We just catch glances, as it were.

Heaven, then, will be the time where — after the ride — we can spend time together, talking about the experience and how grateful we are that our friends were on the ride with us.

Disease Progression

The infamous abs

It’s funny what upsets us.  Lately, I’ve noticed an increase in pain and weakness in new muscle groups.  Insertion points in my knees and shoulder…  Facial muscles (which is why I’ve been rubbing my cheeks lately)…

But the one that’s making me really sad is my abs.  Yep.  You wouldn’t have thought, would you?  I’ve always counted on my abs.  I could do crunches and sit-ups like crazy in the Navy.

And now…. they too are succumbing to the disease.  And I am not happy about that.  🙂

You’d think I’d be more concerned about my lungs, nausea, or my heart.  But this isn’t about those parts of me being attacked which are more life-threatening, but those which I will miss the most.

For you, my dear abdominal muscles:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. ~Dylan Thomas

A Reflection on a Reflection

Zenit posted this reflection by Pope Benedict, and it really spoke to me. So, I’m putting it out there, along with my own commentary, 🙂 so that our shepherd can feed you spiritually, as well. 🙂

Pope Leads Roman Priests in Scripture Reflection

 Considers Vocation, Lack of Catechesis, Truth and Charity

 VATICAN CITY, FEB. 24, 2012 (Zenit.org).- Benedict XVI on Thursday met with priests of his diocese and led them in “lectio divina,” offering a spontaneous Scripture reflection.  Following a reading from the Letter of St. Paul to the Ephesians, the Pope gave an extensive off-the-cuff commentary on the passage.

The Apostle says: “I … beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

The Holy Father reflected on the vocation to the priesthood.  [I think it is quite interesting that the Holy Father picked this passage.  See, for me, this passage has always spoken to me of my vocation, to be an intercessor, and in a particular way, to be an intercessor for priests.]

The first call we receive is that of baptism, the Pope explained, the second is the vocation to be pastors at the service of Christ. “The great ill of the Church in Europe and the West today is the lack of priestly vocations. Yet, the Lord calls always, what is lacking are ears to listen. We listened to the Lord’s voice and must remain attentive when that voice is addressed to others. We must help to ensure the voice is heard so that the call will be accepted.”  [I think this lack of hearing is not reserved to men discerning a vocation to the priesthood, but everyone, especially in this age where we barely take the time to reflect on the sound bites which are sent our way – much less a message which actually requires pondering.  How can we possibly hear God if we are surrounding ourselves with a cacophony of meaningless noise?  I think as a coping mechanism, we have created what I call the “Junk Filter.”  My junk filter is usually running on High; meaning that very little gets through, and most of what does gets immediately trashed and forgotten as “irrelevant data.”  This extends not only to that which I hear, but also to that which I read – to the extent that often I find myself not “reading” at all, but scanning through text to see if anything might jump out that might have significance for me.  The problem with all of this is that there is much of value which I am missing.  And, worst of all, the voice of God could get caught in my junk filter without my being aware of it.]

According to St. Paul, the primary virtue that must accompany vocation is humility. This is the virtue of the followers of Christ Who, “being equal to God, humbled Himself, accepting the status of servant, and obeying even unto the cross. This was the Son’s journey of humility, which we must imitate. … The opposite of humility is pride, the root of all sin. Pride means arrogance, which above all seeks power and appearance. … It has no intention of pleasing God; rather of pleasing itself, of being accepted, even venerated, by others. The ‘self’ becomes the centre of the world; the prideful self which knows everything. Being Christian means overcoming this original temptation, which is also the nucleus of original sin: being like God, but without God.”

By contrast “humility is, above all, truth, … recognition that I am a thought of God in the construction of His world, that I am irreplaceable as I am, in my smallness, and that only in this way am I great. … Let us learn this realism; not seeking appearance, but seeking to please God and to accomplish what He has thought out for us, and thus also accepting others. … Acceptance of self and acceptance of others go together. Only by accepting myself as part of the great divine tapestry can I also accept others, who with me form part of the great symphony of the Church and Creation.” In this way, likewise, we learn to accept our position within the Church, knowing that “my small service is great in the eyes of God.”  [This is a hard lesson to learn even within my own vocation.  See, just because God has made an individual extremely important in my life (so that I – in my self-absorption – might occasionally remember to do that to which I have been called), this does not mean that I am equally important in that other’s life.  And the truth is:  I shouldn’t expect this.  God gave me this person so that I might support him in prayer, because he needs this.  I am to be a spiritual warrior, in a sense, so that he can do what it is that God is calling him to do.  And so, while I am struggling myself with trying to create some distance from the secular cacophony so that I might better hear God, I need to remember that he, and others, also need that same distance.  However hard it might be when normal channels of communication are severed between friends for the sake creating this opportunity for inner solitude.  It is precisely in this dynamic that I can learn more fully what it means to love, which I think is why God gave me this vocation in the first place.  Because this other person is such a central part of my day and my prayers, I assume for myself a similar status.  Aren’t I important, too?  Of course I am!  But wait, isn’t that a distinct lack of humility?  Why, yes, it is.  And further, it’s an insufficient expression of love.  For what is love but giving your life in some way for another person?  I should only be seeking to give and not to receive.  I am only being asked to give of my time and my prayers.  Any friendship which we might have is a gratuitous gift from God.  True love in Christ is to always want what is best for the other.  Obviously, the opportunity to grow closer to Christ is what is best for the other.  And so I must not mourn the seeming separation that the fasting from technological communication causes, but rejoice in the fact that a deeper bond is being made with our Lord.  The reality is that as each of us individually becomes more closely united with our Lord, we are more closely united to each other – because we are part of the same body which is Him.  Sometimes, I just need to hash this all out on paper (or cyberpaper, as the case may be), in order to see what it is which God wishes me to see.  And I think that in the end, He’s trying to tell me that humility and obedience to His will ultimately leads to an increase in love.  Following my inclinations will only frustrate that after which I am seeking.]

Immature faith

Lack of humility destroys the unity of Christ’s Body. Yet at the same time, unity cannot develop without knowledge. “One great problem facing the Church today is the lack of knowledge of the faith, ‘religious illiteracy,'” the Pope said. “With such illiteracy we cannot grow. … Therefore we must reappropriate the contents of the faith, not as a packet of dogmas and commandments, but as a unique reality revealed in its all its profoundness and beauty. We must do everything possible for catechetical renewal in order for the faith to be known, God to be known, Christ to be known, the truth to be known, and for unity in the truth to grow.”

We cannot, Benedict XVI warned, live in “a childhood of faith.” Many adults have never gone beyond the first catechesis, meaning that “they cannot – as adults, with competence and conviction – explain and elucidate the philosophy of the faith, its great wisdom and rationality” in order to illuminate the minds of others. To do this they need an “adult faith.” This does not mean, as has been understood in recent decades, a faith detached from the Magisterium of the Church. When we abandon the Magisterium, the result is dependency “on the opinions of the world, on the dictatorship of the communications media.” By contrast, true emancipation consists in freeing ourselves of these opinions, the freedom of the children of God. “We must pray to the Lord intensely, that He may help us emancipate ourselves in this sense, to be free in this sense, with a truly adult faith, … capable of helping others achieve true perfection … in communion with Christ.”

Truth

The Pope went on: “Today the concept of truth is viewed with suspicion, because truth is identified with violence. Over history there have, unfortunately, been episodes when people sought to defend the truth with violence. But they are two contrasting realities. Truth cannot be imposed with means other than itself! Truth can only come with its own light. Yet, we need truth. … Without truth we are blind in the world, we have no path to follow. The great gift of Christ was that He enabled us to see the face of God.”

“Where there is truth, there is charity,” the Pope concluded. “This, thanks be to God, can be seen in all centuries, despite many sad events. The fruits of charity have always been present in Christianity, just as they are today. We see it in the martyrs, we see it in so many nuns, monks, and priests who humbly serve the poor and the sick. They are the presence of Christ’s charity and a great sign that the truth is here.”  [Perhaps what is needed is to view it not so much as being a spiritual warrior, but as being a spiritual servant.  For it certainly isn’t through any action of mine that my prayers have efficacy, but through the fact that God allows me to participate in this way so as to be a conduit for His grace.  It is His mercy which allows for my participation, not for the good of the person or people for whom I pray, but for the conversion of my own heart to be conformed to His.]