Category Archives: Paroxysm of Giggles

Funniest Doctor’s Appointment Ever!

She’s trying to figure me out, see where to send me next. Debating between Endocrine and Neurology. Finally she says Endocrine first, “because they have more curable diseases.”

We talk for a couple minutes more, then she says she will have U of M call me with the appt. I verify, “Okay, Endocrine, right?”

She says, “No. Neurology. I changed my mind. You could just be really brain damaged.”

I laugh and laugh.

She says, “I’m sorry. That’s a horrible thing to say. But you seem to have a sense of humor.”

LOL!

So soon they will see just how brain damaged I am! 🙂

She said on the way out the door, “You have to be careful when you call here; my staff keeps wanting to send you to the ER.”

Mystic or Unbeliever

H/T to Steve, who originally sent this to me:

When the crowd saw that neither Jesus nor his disciples were there, they themselves got into boat, and came to Capernaum looking for Jesus (Jn 6:24).

A generation ago, Karl Rahner made the statement that there would soon come a time when each of us will either be a mystic or a non-believer.

What’s implied here?

At one level it means that anyone who wants to have faith today will need to be much more inner-directed than in previous generations. Why? Because up until our present generation in the secularized world, by and large, the culture helped carry the faith. We lived in cultures (often immigrant and ethnic subcultures) within which faith and religion were part of the very fabric of life. Faith and church were embedded in the sociology. It took a strong, deviant action not to go to church on Sunday. Today, as we know, the opposite if more true, it takes a strong, inner-anchored act to go to church on Sunday. We live in a moral and ecclesial diaspora and experience a special loneliness that comes with that. We have few outside supports for our faith.

The culture no longer carries the faith and the church. Simply put, we knew how to be believers and church-goers when we were inside communities that helped carry that for us, communities within which most everyone seemed to believe, most everyone went to church, and most everyone had the same set of moral values. Not incidentally, these communities were often immigrant, poor, under-educated, and culturally marginalized. In that type of setting, faith and church work more easily. Why? Because, among other reasons, as Jesus said, it is hard for the rich to enter the kingdom of heaven.

To be committed believers today, to have faith truly inform our lives, requires finding an inner anchor beyond the support and security we find in being part of the cognitive majority wherein we have the comfort of knowing that, since everyone else is doing this, it probably makes sense. Many of us now live in situations where to believe in God and church is to find ourselves without the support of the majority and at times without the support even of those closest to us, spouse, family, friends, colleagues. That’s one of the things that Rahner is referring to when he says we will be either mystics or non-believers.

But what is this deep, inner-anchor that is needed to sustain us? What can give us the support we need?

What can help sustain our faith when we feel like unanimity-minus-one is an inner center of strength, meaning, and affectivity that is rooted in something beyond what the world thinks and what the majority are doing on any given day? There has to be a deeper source than outside affirmation to give us meaning, justification, and energy to continue to do what faith asks of us. What is that source?

In the gospel of John, the first words out of Jesus’ mouth are a question: “What are you looking for?” Essentially everything that Jesus does and teaches in the rest of Johns gospel gives an answer to that question: We are looking for the way, the truth, the life, living water to quench our thirst, bread from heaven to satiate our hunger. But those answers are partially abstract. At the end of the gospel, all of this is crystallized into one image:

On Easter Sunday morning, Mary Magdala goes out searching for Jesus. She finds him in a garden (the archetypal place where lovers meet) but she doesn’t recognize him. Jesus turns to her and, repeating the question with which the gospel began, asks her: What are you looking for? Mary replies that she is looking for the body of the dead Jesus and could he give her any information as to where that body is. And Jesus simply says: “Mary.” He pronounces her name in love. She falls at his feet.

In essence, that is the whole gospel: What are we ultimately looking for? What is the end of all desire? What drives us out into gardens to search for love? The desire to hear God pronounce our names in love. To hear God, lovingly say: “Mary,” “Jack,” “Jennifer,” “Walter.”

Several years ago, I made a retreat that began with the director telling us: “I’m only going to try to do one thing with you this week, I’m going to try to teach you how to pray so that sometime (perhaps not this week or perhaps not even this year, but sometime) in prayer, you will open yourself up in such a way that you can hear God say to you – I love you! – because unless that happens you will always be dissatisfied and searching for something to give you a completeness you don’t feel. Nothing will ever be quite right. But once you hear God say those words, you wont need to do that restless search anymore.”

He’s right. Hearing God pronounce our names in love is the core of mysticism and it is too the anchor we need when we face misunderstanding from without and depression from within, when we feel precisely like unanimity-minus-one.

Fr. Ron Rolheiser
—–
How true that we have to make the decision whether to follow the crowd and seek out the approval of others, or to follow Jesus and seek out His approval. It is in a sense more difficult to be a disciple in this age where everything is focused on self-gratification, but on the other hand, it can be a good thing in that the people who are attending church and are following Christ are doing it because they truly love Him, and not because of cultural pressure. Jesus wants us to come to Him out of love, not obligation.

Oh. That’s What They Mean.

Last oil change, guy says, “Your tires are in the red. So, next oil change, you should probably get new ones.”
Okay.
Then, postcard comes in the mail. “Your tires need to be replaced IMMEDIATELY.”
Huh. Well, the guy said, next oil change. I got like 7,500 miles, right?
Stacy comes over, tell her about the tires, she’s skeptical if they really need replacing already. Looks. Says, “Yeah you do!”
Okay.
Time passes.
Figures speeding ticket must be due to the influence of the nice racing slicks I’m developing. 🙂
Except.
Yesterday.
Raining.
Did you know that if your tires have no tread, your car tends to fly off the road?
I found that out.
So….
I guess “red” = “bad”….

It’s supposed to rain the next several days.

— Broken McSickyPants, formerly Zoomie Vroom McLawBreaker

CCC 27

“The dignity of man rests above all on the fact that he is called to communion with God. This invitation to converse with God is addressed to man as soon as he comes into being. For if man exists, it is because God has created him through love, and through love continues to hold him in existence….”

Okay, so this is at the very beginning of my Catechism, which I received on January 14, 2007, the very first day I stepped into church. So why is it that I am just reading it now, almost exactly 2 1/2 years later?

LOL, I must have skipped that section by coming late to RCIA. 🙂

I have a difficult time seeing myself as loveable to anyone, much less God, who knows everything about me. But that one phrase, “through love continues to hold him in existence” I have heard mentioned before, but didn’t really understand it, so I just set it aside and didn’t pay much attention to it.

But I think that was perhaps the wrong thing to do. Because that might be one of the most important phrases.

What it means is that we exist because God, at every moment, is actively willing our existence. It is not the case that God just made us and then checks in on us from time to time. Rather, if God for just one instant ever *stopped* thinking of us, we would cease to be. That level of attention, dedication and love is really unfathomable.

At every instant, God is choosing for us to be in the world. He is advocating on behalf of our existence. He is giving us life so that we can choose to share in His divine life.

I — and all of you — are *far* more loved and cared for than we ever dreamed was possible. Would that we come to realize the incredible magnitude of that love — it would change everything.

God bless you; He loves you so very much!

If I Am

So, you may know, I have been having medical problems lately. I’ve been to the ER twice, been admitted once, going through tons of outpatient testing. While they haven’t “officially” found anything, they are thinking that it is a cardiac issue, and one which is not so great to have (as if any are great, really). Lately, I’ve been upset because I am so incredibly fatigued. I mean, ridiculously fatigued. Like, I can’t be awake more than 30 minutes without feeling like I need to lie back down for a nap, and then actually napping for 4 hours straight. It has been beyond irritating for me. I hate being idle. I feel like I’m wasting my day.

Today, I woke up, went to Mass, went out with some friends to lunch, came home and anticipated tossing a load of laundry in the washer and uploading some pictures. Nope. Way too tired. Decided that I’d read a book in bed. Nope. Nap time. Now, it’s like 1:30 pm or so? Yeah. Woke up at 5:30 pm. Where has my weekend gone?? 😦

As soon as I woke up, these lyrics were playing in my head, particularly the highlighted phrases:

“If I Am” by Nine Days

So your standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall.
So far down,
Or maybe you were thinking about jumping.
Now you could have it all,
If you learned a little patience!
For though I cannot fly,
I’m not content to crawl!…
So give me a little credit,
Have in me a little faith!
I want to be with you forever,
If tomorrow’s not too late!…

And it’s always too late when you’ve got nothing
So you say!…
But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises today…

IF I AM!
Another waste of everything you dreamed of,
I will let you down…
IF I AM!
Only here to watch you as you suffer,
I will let you down…

So your walking on the edge,
And you wait your turn to fall.
But you’re so far gone,
That you don’t see the hands upheld to catch you.
And you could find the fault,
In the heart that you’ve been handed!
For though you cannot fly,
You’re not content to crawl!…

And it’s always too late when you’ve got nothing
So you say!…
But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises…

IF I AM!
Another waste of everything you hoped for,
I will let you down…
IF I AM!
Only here to watch you as you suffer,
I will let you down…

So you’re standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall…

IF I AM!
Another waste of everything you dreamed of,
I will let you down…
IF I AM!
Only here to watch you as you suffer,
I will let you down…

The answers we find,
Are never what we had in mind.
So we make it up as we go along…
You don’t talk of dreams
I won’t mention tomorrow.
And we won’t make those promises that we can’t keep…

I will never leave you!
I will not let you down!
I will never leave you!
I will not let you down!

While I might be frustrated, I need to remember that God is always with me. That He is not here to watch me as I suffer. And that even crawling, we are still making progress, and the only progress worth making is that which draws us closer to being with Him forever.

Happy Independence Day!

There are so many people to thank for this day! First, the men who fought those 233 years ago and won our independence. Then, the men and women who have kept our freedom to the present day.

Here’s a picture of some of the girls in the wardroom of the USS Mount Whitney, CORTRAMID 1997, Norfolk, Virginia (I’m at the far right):
Girls in USS Mount Whitney's Wardroom
For all my fellow military members, police forces, and government agents — thank you for fighting for and upholding our freedom and our laws.

Baptism07
For God, who gives us true freedom and independence.
And for all the clergy and holy men and women who teach us of our amazing inheritance, freedom, love and gifts given to each of us, personally, by the Lord. They teach us not only of the many ways in which God saves us from our slavery, but also of the ways in which we enslave ourselves. With His help, we can be truly free and live with a rightly ordered independence in His love and mercy.

Tennis

DSCN7986

After Mass, Lindsay and I went to the Troy Civic Center and played tennis for a little while. It was so much fun! We haven’t played in quite a while. The courts were completely empty, unlike the completely full ones at Athens we had first looked at. Good thing they were, because our game . . . wasn’t all that great. We ended up using all 3 courts and spent probably more time chasing the balls than actually playing. I got so out of breath so quickly, but ignored it, because I was having fun. That, and I’m too stubborn for my own good. I started to get increasingly dizzy, but I ignored this as well. After a little while, Lindsay said that she was getting tired, and that she wanted to stop for the day so that she would still have energy to do some things around her house that she wanted to get done. I was sad to stop playing, but agreed. She said that we should break me in slowly. I think we’ve already been over the fact that I’m not very good with doing things moderately. 🙂

I was really tired driving her back to her car and started to get very sick. I was feeling entirely awful by time I got home. I did just a couple things, then lied down for a nap. It was just before 1 pm. I woke up again sometime after 4 pm, and after doing a few light things in the bedroom to get ready to move back into my own bed — perhaps tonight — I was ready for another nap. And it had only been 30-45 minutes! This is truly getting ridiculous!

I got up again, and shortly thereafter, maybe about 5:30 pm or so, I got a phone call from Lindsay. She had cut herself with her electric hedger while trimming up some bushes and needed me to take her to the ER. You’ve probably never seen me grab my things and leave my house so quick! 🙂 It was better than I had anticipated — thanks be to God! We went to the ER, where she got 3 stitches. We had some very yummy Chinese food for dinner, and returned to her house. I was exhausted, again. So, when Erwin showed up after karate, I left fairly soon afterward. I hate to say it, but I am probably going to go to bed again very, very shortly. 😦

Looking forward to the fireworks tomorrow!!!! 🙂

Oh, and a quick note about the photo. Yes, it was taken after our tennis game, but no, my hair doesn’t look like that because I’m that sweaty. My hair looks like that because of the COPIOUS amounts of Oil of the Sick which Fr. Mark used on me! 🙂

Have a good night!

My New Name: Zoomie McLawBreaker

Why is this my new name? Because yesterday, I got my very first speeding ticket.
As a co-worker notes, “Aww! And you’ve been practicing for so long! Congratulations!”

I need to go on record first as saying . . . I totally deserve this. Not only was I speeding, really speeding, but I have a habit of speeding, which has been getting worse in the past few months.

Not just in the car, but it’s kind of like a theme in my life: a hundred miles an hour . . . right up until I smash into the brick wall and collapse or something. I’m usually a girl of extremes. I live passionately and fully and with great enthusiasm. I am stubborn and joyful and am a good problem-solver. I struggle with things like patience, although I don’t hold a grudge and tend to be okay with forgiveness. I love to give and I love to love — and these I do as much as I can, usually without thought to what it might cost me. (Which, of course, is not good if you are my accountant, but I really don’t care about having any money in the bank. I just hope to be able to pay my bills. After that, if I have a zero balance, but the people I care about are happy, then I’m all good with that.)

Some of these are good things, some are not. A little more balance in my life would probably, objectively, be a good thing, but I am not good with that.

I am not upset at all about my speeding ticket. I think God allowed me to get that speeding ticket. I think I probably needed to get that ticket. I tend to have little regard for my own well-being. I tend to be careless with myself, or rather, unconcerned. This frequently gets me into trouble.

Over the past month or so, I’ve had problems with chest pain and shortness of breath which have had me in and out of the ER, and even admitted to the hospital. I can’t run anymore and it takes me a lot longer to get anything done.

I think God’s trying to tell me to slow down, in a couple different ways.

Best New Song!

I just wrote it! 🙂

You are my Starbucks, my lovely Starbucks,
You make me happy, when skies are gray,
You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you,
Please don’t take my Starbucks away! 🙂

Now accepting offers of espresso-based goodness! 🙂

Guess Who This Is!!! :)

Guess Who This Is! -- DSCN7978

I thought this was absolutely perfect!  On so many levels!  🙂  The image is a photo I took of the card.  But go ahead, give me your guess in the comment box as to who this is and why I think it fits so very well!

🙂